Thursday, February 25, 2010

This is life.

I feel as if I may have a bit of a target on my back this week. Sometimes I wonder; Do you think God has a sense of humor? Like does he think of "tests" and then think "oh yeah that's a good one, lets try that and see how she responds?! Hmm Let Me see how far I can push her this time."

When I signed up for this job of "full time working mom" no one ever said that
sometimes it would hurt.
sometimes it won't be fair.
sometimes you will want to run away.
sometimes you will cry.
sometimes you will think you've had too much.
sometimes you won't be able to kiss away the "owies"
sometimes the lines between work and home will be blurry

Cohen and I ventured to Lincoln this afternoon to take our "pretty girl" to see the ENT (again). I knew on Monday that her tympanogram was flat and that her hearing would be affected until we could resolve the fluid in her ears. I was not aware that she would actually have her hearing tested today. I also was unprepared how much hearing someone verbalize "she is not hearing within normal limits" would impact me. The normal hearing range is 0-20. Her one ear landed smack on 20 and her other ear was 25, so her hearing is just outside the bounds of normal hearing. Oh pretty girl, I'm sorry. It makes my heart sad to think about the clarity of sound captured in music, conversations, hearing, that she is missing out on.

The doctor and I have decided to put in tubes and remove her adenoids.

Yes let's do it. Let's get her hearing again! That is the beauty here, hopefully when we drain the fluid out of her ears, her hearing will once again be clear.
When can we do it? Tomorrow? (of course not but a mom can try can't she?!)
Yes we scheduled. Yes, I felt a wave of relief!
A sense of calm.
It was going to be okay.
March 10th is not very far away.
We are going to conquer this week.
This week will not bring me down.
It will not define our lives.
We will overcome.

No one ever said when I signed up for this job as "mom" :
*That as a bit of a birthday present to myself on Tuesday I would purchase a Bon Jovi Ticket for the night of March 9th.
*I would make a Bon Jovi "play list" an hour before leaving for the ENT and send it out to some of my bestest friends who were totally going to rock it out with me.

*Only to go to the ENT with my pretty girl and schedule surgery for 7am March 10th. Yes no one ever said it would be fair.

The day was long and the night is mine alone. I am sure I've had enough of this life this week. Sometimes everything is wrong......but I hold on.

I hold on to the "little" things like this:
*Cohen exceeded my expectations today. We were at the doctor's office for about an hour and a half. I caught myself glancing over at him today as he sat quietly in a chair, in the dark, watching Kadence's hearing test, his eyes full of love and concern for his sister. I sat in awe of my son.
He was so grown up today.
When the hearing test had concluded he sat next to his sister and touched her cheek and said "You did good pretty girl. You did good."

Yes, no one said it would be fair, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!!

I would not trade one crazy~stressful~overwhelming~moment this week if it meant I would have missed out on witnessing that beautiful moment between a big brother and his little sister. No I wouldn't trade it for the world! This is life. This is what I signed up for.


Paige said...

Oh, you are going to make me cry!!! What a sweet, sweet moment that had to have been. Hang in there, Jen.

Kim said...

My heart is very sad for Kadence and I hope this will help her hearing. I can't imagine what we sound like to her. Maybe that is why she HATES riding in the car. The road sound is really loud and hurts. Hang in there!!!