Sunday, March 18, 2012

take a spin

It was one full, wild, fun, wacky and windy weekend.

None of the kids would pose with the clown...
so he said he would pose and I could photoshop them in!


Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" ~Mary Oliver

There is a lot of work left to do.
There is a list a mile long of "to do's"
I ...
I will
ride Elephants!

The boys were enthralled with all the circus tricks and acts.
What I loved most about it....
it fueled their dreams!

This last week and now the weekend both were just great reminders that we always have a choice.
Life is always going to be full of days where you have to choose to not let anything dull your sparkle.
It's not easy
It doesn't go without effort...
but the sparkle...
it is so worth it!

This weekend inspire a throw back to one of my most favorite quotes......

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.

Let me learn from you,

love you,


bless you before you depart.

Let me not pass you by

in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.

Let me hold you while I may,

 for it may not always be so.”

                                                                                   *Mary Jean Iron

My Hope for each of you this week is
that you experience the level of joy that comes with
finding that perfect twirl-ly dress...

just remember ...
you can have the perfect dress
you still have to make the decision to spin!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

mother love fuel

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. ~Frank A. Clark

It's late but so many words are drifting inside my mind that I know sleep will be elusive until a few of those thoughts are set free.
It is the dawn of Cohen's 7th Birthday.

I was talking to my mom tonight and joking that sharing a birthday with your kid isn't all that it is cracked up to be.
As I will spend my birthday tired because
I stayed up making school birthday treats for his birthday
and I turned down lunch with a friend for my birthday
to eat school lunch with him for his birthday.

In only an older, wiser mom way, she said...
"You know he is 7.
You don't have that many years until the thought of you eating lunch with him at school
is horrifying and the last thing he will want is some "stupid" treats for school."


As I finished making the treats for tomorrow, I realized I hadn't even glanced at the clock.
I realized that I never once pondered how tired I would be tomorrow
or how stupid I was for taking on this project so late at night.
I realized I was smiling.

It really has nothing to do with what snack he did or didn't pick out (trust me I tried to talk him into something pre-made as we were in the store at 5:30, not home, supper not started, knowing a long night was ahead) It's about creating that feeling inside that he is special. Someone will listen. Somone cares what he wants. That he is loved.

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.  
~Marion C. Garretty

In the dark corner of my mind, I hate that I work (I love my work but I hate that sometimes I have to choose work/kids) I know that a small amount of guilt brews in that dark corner waiting to pounce. Sometimes that dark corner pushes me to sacrifice to a higher level. Plan things with my kids. Make treats into the wee hours because I never want them to feel like they got less because I'm not here. I never want them to feel like they come in second.  I know that dark corner exists and at times is irrational. I know it, but it doesn't stop it from festering at times.

But tonight,

tonight it wasn't the dark corner of my mind driving me forward,

it was something greater

It was....


It was the realization that 7 years ago I stayed up 30+ hours to bring him into this world.

It was the realization that while he is little I will stay up all hours of the night to make the treat that he desires for HIS special day.

It was the realization that in 10 years, when he comes home at midnight broken hearted over his first love, I will stay up listening.

It was the realization that in 20 years, when he calls at midnight because the baby is sick and they don't know what to do, I will be there.

It was the realization that in 26 years, when he calls at 10:40 for some damn pudding for school birthday treats for his son, I will go out in the cold, in my pajamas, and deliver pudding, with a chuckle.

It was love.

Nothing less.

Nothing more.

Not tonight.

If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. ~Robert Brault

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Spiritual bucket overload

He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well -
even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly. ~B.C. Forbes

I can't sleep tonight.

I cannot seem to wrap my mind around today.

I believe that religion and spirituality are related but two very different things. 
Religion is the rituals, the rules, the rights and wrongs, the framework.
Spirituality is within.

I have met some people who are very religious, but not very spiritual
and vice versa.
Both have value.

I tend to be more spiritual.
Although religion is important to me, and religion is a big piece of the picture, my spirituality is stronger than my need for religion.
*I know this is a delicate topic and I have no intentions of debating it I just need to lay some ground work here. This just my internal processing. My need to make sense of not only today but every day.

Today a series of events occurred.

Today every piece of a puzzle dropped in the perfect place at the perfect time.
Today God intervened.
Hands down.
Without a doubt.
God had a plan
and I (as well as others) were his puppets.

Today I was a "puppet" in a grander plan.
A plan that was on the verge of miraculous and I was blind to it all until the process was over! (Typical right?!  I even called a coworker to whine about a few of the KEY pieces, that of course at the time I had no idea who was stacking the deck so to speak)

Today God had plan and by 2:45pm I had goosebumps because all of sudden,
His plan,
His interventions,
all the pieces that seemed random at the time,
drifted together
and I saw it.
I felt it.
 I felt it to my core.


So did others.

So.. DID.. others....

Today was more than just a "coincidence."

I would love to go into details but for several reasons I can't. One it involves families I work with and two it is so not my story to tell. God did not directly intervene in my life (okay yes He did as obviously it has impacted me) hence why it is not my story to tell, but for the first time I can clearly see that He placed me in a certain place at a certain time with certain information that just ended in amazing things.

It has left me in awe. It has left me replaying it over and over in my head. There were so many little things that went differently today than would be "typical" and those little things that at the time drew me in a different direction than what would be "normal" Just the intonation of a voice that, something in my heart said "you have to do this today" led me to say "yes" when 99% of the times I would have said "no or later" to that same question.  I have reflected on it enough to realize that if any one of the several "little" steps along the way would have happened differently in any's events would have never happened.
If any one of us would have not listened to that whisper of a voice's events would have never happened.

It was freaky. The good kind of freaky...but freaky.
I believe I may have even said..."this freaks my shit out." No Joke.
I think my heart rate is just now returning back down to "resting" rate.

When I was speaking to one of the moms I said "sometimes things are just more than a coincidence" and she said "This is just another great reminder that God is in control and we just need to let go."

letting go...........

Freaks my crap out I tell ya.

Spiritual bucket over load.

All religions must be tolerated... for... every man must get to heaven his own way. ~Frederick the Great