Thursday, September 22, 2011

from the start

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity.  The order varies for any given year.  ~Paul Sweeney

We have crossed into our 9th year of marriage.

There are days when that doesn't seem possible.
Nine years?  Really? Where did time go?
How did nine years go so fast?
And lets be honest there are days that it just feels like forever.
When you say "I Do" it may be good that you don't really know the "truth"
The fact that there will be days that you wonder if you made the right choice.
The fact that there will be moments when you think you are done.
The fact really isn't a fairytale...
and love is not enough.
But there is always more to the truth...

The truth is it takes work.

A lot of work.

But with a lot of effort, forgiveness and laughter the payoff can be high.

After nine years of both of us making the conscious decision every day to stay...

There is someone who knows how to lighten the situation when I am over reacting.

There is someone who knows how to filter what I say into
the things I mean and the things I am just ranting about.

There is someone who knows me better than I probably know myself.

There is someone...There.

It's ironic or maybe typical that our anniversary was yesterday and we both worked and we both got home after 7pm and with two young children that means we got home in the "zone" you parents know the "zone" The kids are tired but fighting it and the next hour consists of crazy bath and bed time and wild things.
We had no plan.
There was no Anniversary plan.
Only every day survival,
plan as usual.
This is nine years of marriage in it's full glory.

Mark and I both still needed supper,
so as Mark put the kids to bed
I warmed up supper and at the last minute
I decided to take an extra minute and turn this "plan as usual" into something just a little more.
Something a bit more like the fairytale...
If just for a fleeting moment.

And that's the thing that I realized last night.
On the surface we all want the above.
We want to believe that everyday married life is warm and reflective
just  like a romantic candle light dinner on your ninth anniversary,

but what we don't see (at least what we don't see before we are married is; that's not real)

Maybe that is the problem with life today

We all just want the warm reflective candle light dinner

we want to believe in the illusion....

but in order to survive

you have to open your eyes and see reality in it's entirety
(yes this is actually the same table at the same time as the candlelight one above!)
We all see the world..but what "lens" we choose to see it through varies.

you can deny that it exists but that doesn't make the "bad" go away.

It seems to be that once you embrace it for what it is, the good with the bad.....

you get to keep moving forward

 and in the end...
that is the fairytale.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Where is the line?

Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations. 
Let your kids be who they are,
and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit.  ~Robert Brault

I am finding that to be a difficult task.

Every once and awhile it sinks in how much responsibility one carries the day we sign up to be parents.
We single handily shape another life's future.

Do you ever stop to think about it?

The words you use.
The things you do.
(or don't do)
All adds up for your children
Shaping them.
Shaping their futures.
Shaping them into who they will be come.

Do you think about it?
How their failures,
their successes,
are tied to your failure or success as a parent?

Where is the line?

I don't know.
Do you?

Whenever I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and did to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity - a very challenging and exciting thought for a mother.  ~Rose Kennedy

Sunday, September 11, 2011

a lofty task

That some good can be derived from every event is a better proposition than that everything happens for the best, which it assuredly does not.  ~James K. Feibleman

There have been a multitude of events recently to remind me that the world is not always kind.

Sometimes parents bury their children.

Sometimes terrorists triumph.

Sometimes bad things happen to great people (again).

It is easy to get bogged down.

It is easy to head down the path of "why"

Sometimes I am (too) quick to remember that someday it will be my turn.

Someday tragedy will be mine,
because everyone experiences tragedy sometime.

Today after listening to numerous stories of survival, of sadness, of strength...

I asked myself but what would those people whose lives ended 10 years ago tell us...
tell me?

I think they would say:  LIVE!

You can crumble under the weight of the situation (whatever your situation is)

Or you can persevere.

You can live.

Sometimes parents see their children succeed.

Sometimes terrorists are defeated.

Sometimes great things happen to great people!

It is easy to forget. 

It is easy to relive the tragedy while we let the triumphs slide by...unrecognized.

I want to teach my children to learn from the bad...
but SEE the good!

A lofty task in the world today.

A lofty task indeed.