Friday, March 13, 2015

Life should not only be lived. It should be celebrated. Our day.

My Birthday:

As you get older, your birthday is less “WOO HOOOO” and more “yay”  
It is less “What am I going to get?” and more “look at how much I have.”  
It really is a nice break to be reminded at how “rich” we are.  

As I was sitting in my office this afternoon I was a bit overcome by all the nice gestures….it was like I was sitting in a big box of love (filled with balloons of course!) 

There are always going to be rough days, hard days, stressful days, regardless of what you do and where you are in life. The one thing that isn't guaranteed is who will be at your side during those times. I’m so privileged to work with such great and giving people.

I am so privileged to have the friends and family I do in my life

I am truly humbled and speechless.

That is no small feat when you think about it! I always have something to say! 

Cohen's Birthday:

To clarify if somehow you've missed it, Cohen and I share the same birthday!
Life has been crazy hectic busy so we kind of merged spring break, dentist appointments and birthday fun into a weekday!

Thursday we jumped into the unknown and took a couple friends to Defy Gravity (after the dentist).

It was astronomical amounts of fun! 

I am pretty sure the kids had a blast bouncing and flipping!

Cohen had friends along so I paid and jumped with Kadence. 
At one point I took a mental count. 
There were 2 other moms jumping.
That's it!
The "mom bench" fully loaded.
Standing room only.

Life is too short to sit it out on the mom bench.

I found out I can still jump, bounce on my butt and back onto my feet.
Visualize that....
You're welcome! 

I sit here reflecting on the fact that I have been a mom for 10 years now. Have I grown? Have I learned? I have so many thoughts floating around that I was starting to write out, and ironically or not, when I went back and read this: Cohen's birthday in 2010, five years ago, and I was echoing the exact same thoughts. 
The exact same questions. 
The exact same hopes.
Last night we laid in bed and talked till we fell asleep.
How I pray I've provided him the foundation he needs to fly. 

Here are the gifts that made Cohen the happiest double digit 10 year old on the planet:
Gift card to Shelby Lumber
His own drill
Spray Paint
Garden tools

Here are the gifts that made me the happiest:
Hobby Lobby gift card!
Mashed potatoes and gravy
bumpy Nerd jelly beans!
Cool necklace
most of all....hearing from my friends and family! 

I kind of think my mom's card nailed it:

Life is busy
That's why on your birthday I hope you get a moment (or more) of peace
without schedules to juggle, or places to be, or problems to solve.
And in that moment I hope you look around at 
the life you've made 
the family you love
and the friends you have
and just smile

I had my moment
in my "box of love"
(aka balloon filled office with all your well wishes)

"Life should not only be lived. It should be celebrated"
Here's to another year!

Friday, March 6, 2015

in the blink of an eye

The last week(or 8 months whatever) at work and home has been busy, 
slightly overwhelming one might say. 
On top of work and managing 3 kids, daycare has been closed two out of the last three weeks which has left us even more out of schedule and shuffling kids even more than usual. 

This morning.
Well for this last day of, the daycare shuffle. Benson was heading to my sister Kim's house in Brainard. Grandma had graciously volunteered and thus arranged, to drop him off so I didn't need to drive to Brainard and then drive to Columbus, which I have done. I had a text from Kim by 5:50 that she was not feeling well and was going to go to the doctor when they opened. Well crap. 
Is there a way to find a back up for the back up daycare provider?!
Well in this case, no.
Ugh I felt horrible that here she was feeling awful but still willing to take on my kid for the day.
I said out loud: Daycare just needs to be open. Its ridiculous to be closed two out of three weeks. UGH. I may have added in a few more choice words about daycare being closed today. 
I'm not gonna lie.

Fast Forward

The day was scheduled full of meetings. There were some rumblings about a guy the cops were looking for in Columbus.

Next meeting.

An overhead page. The building was going on lock down due to students being in the center and there was an armed man being searched out by police.

Meeting ends.

Insert some:
* inappropriate but funny humor about army crawling to the van in the parking lot
*razing of a coworker who's boyfriend was home sleeping in the area where the suspect was, probably not noticing he was surrounded by a SWAT Team
*deep breathing by a coworker whose home was in the area where at one point the suspect was suppose to which she couldn't remember locking the door. 
*repeat inappropriate humor in the parking lot

Return to office.

That's when it happened.

A picture of the live feed from the scene.

All it took was eight tenths of a second for my world to temporarily crash. 

I knew that building in the background. 

I knew that street.

 ...I see that corner everyday.

That corner that was now on shut down.

Surrounded by law enforcement.

SWAT teams.

That corner is Benson's daycare. 

,,,,and in the matter of eight tenths of a seconds 

I couldn't breath. 

The suspect was quoted as saying he would never go back to jail and would die in a shoot out with cops before letting it happen. 

Any other day
Any other Friday
my two year old child would have been a mere couple of houses from an armed suspect threatening to go down in a blaze of glory. 
My two year old would have been on lock down at daycare. 

My two year old would have been in harms way

and I

his mom

would have been no where in sight

with no way to protect him

no way to sooth him

no way to whisk him away

and I really couldn't breath.





She went on vacation.

I had just complained about that very thing this morning. 

I had to say out loud

He's not there.

Oh my God, he's not there.

Thank God he's not there.

I still couldn't breath

because any other day

any. other. Friday.

He would have been

and that was more than I could handle.

I have said time and time again

There is no such thing as coincidence.
There is not.
I believe more now then ever.

I sent my daycare provider a text.

Thank you.
Thank you for taking a vacation.

....everything can change in the blink of an eye. just eight tenths of a second.

Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed. ~ Linda Wooten

Thursday, March 5, 2015


We are still surviving on paper plates in this house. 

I don't know how you other moms are doing right now 
but daily demands are swallowing me whole currently.

A few weeks ago a stay at home mom caught me off guard and wanted to discuss how I manage, she had recently done some work outside the home, requiring her to be gone most the day, only to get home in time for the supper, homework, baths, bed chaos. In those few days everything fell behind, laundry, cleaning, to do lists, evenings were just that much more crazy. 

At the time I played it off, 
ya know, the standard
"no big deal"
"we all are doing our best" 
kind of response.

Her comments have been brewing and I wish I could go back in time and say this:

Thank you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for acknowledging that this is hard. 

Thank you for validating that this is hard.

We all need validation but the older we get the less we receive. 
That's unfortunate because the load we carry is heavy most days. 
We all just want to be seen.

Life is messy.
Lately I haven't been keeping up. 
Lunch money was $30 in the hole before I finally remembered to send a check.
Laundry is piled up.
My patience has been thin at best.
You sent me an email? Really? 
About what? Huh. 
Daycare is closed all week?
The whole week?
Who needs to be where? when? 

Thank you for validating the effort.
I had forgotten, or at best, pushed aside the realization that this is legitimately hard and 
sometimes there just is no balance. 
I am so blessed to have the friends I do.
Thank you for being honest.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for really seeing me. 
Thank you for taking the time to say it out loud.
Thank you.

...and I owe you