Tuesday, June 29, 2010

kinda Crinkly and bend-y

SO I walk into Menard's, find someone wearing their Terrier Blue Menard's shirt and say....do you have some big tubing?  It would be plastic, kind of bend-y? I am not sure what it is called but what I see in my head has crinkles in it, kind of like an accordion?  SO the associate says back to me "hmm, I dont' know, what are you using it for?
Well you see I want to add some tubing to the swing set that we can race cars down.
Confused look on associates face (obviously doesn't have kids I mean come on, who doesn't know what I am talking about with that great description?)
We wandered around some different departments and ended up in Plumbing....again explain what I am looking for to the 65 year old associate working plumbing. Who again asks...what are you using it for?? Which again leads me to explain the whole concept. He smiles and says "sounds like quite the project." HA!
So he says "corrugated tubing" Yes I say I do believe that is it! Unless you can think of anything else that we could wrap on a swing set and race cars down.....nope he could not!
I also found 36in or in other terms 3ft zip ties! Who knew they made them that big!
and we headed for home......

This is designated back yard project #1 this summer from my summer list! Cohen was totally thinking this was awesome idea and quite the hard worker!

We did recruit dad's help for a little portion! I wasn't too sure about using a blade to cut the tubing! Yikes!
Kadence got a little bored with the process!
But was all for  racing the cars! AWESOME she said!

So far so good!
It was fun and I want to go let the Menard's guy know it all worked out! ~insert smile~

More summer fun to come........(despite that Kadence has broke out in some weird rash, I can't find my camara, I told Mark I wished he was the husband of my dreams (ya know the kind that cleans without asking etc..and he said "well if I was then what would you have left to dream and that's not fair to you," I have lost all control, and the house has been over run by piles of clothes and other neglected assorted items!, and I caught Cohen standing on the counter trying to pee in the toilet! Look mom!.... sigh)

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

To tell a better story

We come with beautiful secrets

We come with purposes written on our hearts, written on our souls.

We come to every new morning
With possibilities only we can hold
Redemption comes from strange places, small spaces

Calling out the best of who we are

I want to add to the beauty

To tell a better story........
*I do not know the author

I do not want my story to be: get up...hustle bustle, work, pick up kids, hustle bustle, home, supper, hurry up play, bath, bed. Repeat.  
This is not the story I want.
This is not the "storybook childhood" that I want my kids to reminisce about some day.
When my kids are all grown I want something like the smell of fresh cut grass to take them back to a time and place of pure happiness, where memories come flooding back of "good times" trapezing through a sprinkler in the front yard or of under doggies in the back yard.  I want them to be able to sit around after I am long gone and say "remember when...." which would then end in smiles and a lot of laughter!

So this is my story right. This is my kids' story. I am the author. I am writing this story and I am going to try to add some new chapters this summer. Change can be very hard, so I may not accomplish everything but change can also be invigorating....so  I am going to dream big and see where it gets us this summer!

We started out strong by going to the Pawnee Plunge yesterday after work (with supper in the crock pot waiting at home, so I wouldn't stress about supper, bath,bed... I didn't say that I couldn't pre plan a few things right!)

Summer summer summer....

1. Make smores over a camp fire.
2. Go jet skiing or at least get back on a tube behind a boat!
3. Trip to the zoo
4. Small family vacation
5. Get to the pool once a week
6. Do a "planned" ~fun~ summer/back yard activity/game off Family Fun (or something similar) with the kids once a week.
7. Throw a summer bash/bbq
8. Have unplanned weekend get togethers
9. Take the kids on a picnic
10. Make homemade ice cream.
11.Wear more summer colors and skirts and sun dresses~summer attire! Outside my "zone" here!
12. Wear fun summer things in my hair~just because it makes me sunny on the inside too!
13. Have the hugest water balloon fight known to mankind with my kids
addition: 14. Relay!
15. Putt putt golf! (Cohen added that one today!)
Well that seems to be a good enough start!

Let the games begin! How exciting!

"What a beautiful, sunny morning. It makes you happy to be alive, doesn't it? We can't let the sun outshine us! We have to beam, too! "        ~Takayuki Ikkaku

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Ideal, Dreamy (non existent) World

Every once and awhile the pull to be a stay at home mom is so strong it knocks me over.

I love my job. I love what I do. I really do! I have passion!

BUT that doesn’t stop me from wishing I was staying home with my babies. I know that staying home is not all roses and rainbows, but I would take it in a heartbeat today and so many other days.

It goes like this….I detest waking my kids up and it is even worse to wake them up and then shove them in the car for 20 mins.  I hate that some mornings they start their day hearing my irritated-hurried voice because "Come on we need to go."  Instead of hanging out in the rocking chair-making room for three-watching cartoons until the desire to get up and move kicks in.

Daycare. Oh daycare. I am giving my children to someone else. For someone else to shape their day, their experiences, their lives, their dreams. By far daycare is the biggest heart jerker. By far daycare is the biggest stressor. By far daycare is the biggest impact on my children. So, no matter the daycare you choose you always wonder “is it the right one?” “is it good enough?”
“Do my kids get what they need?” “ Do they feel valued there?”
“Will someone comfort them when they are sad?” “Do they feel important? Special?”
"Do they feel like they belong there?"  “Are they held, hugged, talked to, read to, played with, taught, loved?”
“Is there laughter and fun?” "Is it the best?"
"Are they missing out on something?"
"How would their lives be different had they spent that time with me instead?"

When the time finally comes to end the work day and head home….the evenings are so short. Supper, play for maybe an hour and then the grind of bedtime comes crashing down and there just isn’t enough time. Cohen said it perfect the other night “But mom, it just wasn’t enough time, we only got to play like 2 minutes. You never let us play” ~okay well it was closer to an hour and we do play…but even he feels the crunch, like our time together just isn’t enough to meet what they need…..

Then there are days that just…just don’t stop. Days when you can't do enough. Despite the fact that you do a great job, you didn't cross all your "t's" and dot your "i's" (paperwork, time lines, regulations, requirements) so; it's still not good enough and you spend your day feeling guilty for waking up your babies (who went to bed late because you again felt guilty and let them play later than usual), feeling frustrated with obligations and paperwork, all the while second guessing if you've picked the perfect place for your kids to be if they cannot be with you, and then because you love what you do and you care so much about the families you work with you wonder if you have given them everything you can, when they need it, how they need it, wondering if you could have done better because sometimes in this job
one moment,
one decision,
one wrong word,
one missed question,
really can be life changing for that family

.....oh by then all I want is to pick up my kids go home and play, hug, talk, cuddle, rock, read books, teach, ride bikes, swing and swing and swing,  laugh, love…all those visions of the “Ideal, Dreamy (non existent) world” of stay at home mom’s
Disclaimer:  I know no one’s world, stay at home or not, is dreamy and full of the illusions we create in our minds…..but when I close my eyes I  dream, I can see it........and oh the times we would have!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

look mom, no hands!

I am knee deep in laundry. I had to swim through the piles to even make it to the computer.
I just put Kadence back in bed for the 37th time tonight.
I took one kid to VBS another to daycare, worked 8 hours, took one kid to swim lessons, made and fed the kids supper, washed the dishes, went on a bike ride, gave 8 under doggies on the swings, pulled some weeds out of the landscaping....and well I am tired. Funny thing though, can't go to bed until lil' K'dance decides to give up! All in a day's work isn't that the saying. We mommas deserve an award! Tonight I crown each of you mommies Queen for the day! You rock! Thank you. Thank you for everything you do~everyday~that goes unnoticed!

"And Girls Weekend 2010 has officially ended...good friends have become even closer...great times were had...lasting memories made...realizing even though now we are wives and mothers...deep down we haven't lost touch of who we are and from time to time it just needs to resurface to make us realize that absence really does make the heart grow fonder and we love our lives and wouldn't have it any other way." ~Crystal Zimmerman

Girls weekend was everything it could be and needed to be.

I have been reflecting on why a girls weekend is so important and seems I cannot put it into words.

Just for a night boy did we shine. 

and we didn't have snot, boogers, cookie or any other finger prints on our clothes! Imagine!
We stayed up late. Slept in. No schedule. No demands. Fly by the seat of our pants kind of weekend. Every once in awile someone had to remind another to "leave the mom behind" because habits are hard to break (did we shut the lights off? Really! Leave the mom behind It's a hotel! )
I did learn that I am older and extreme heat and  loopty loops don't necessarily do good things to me anymore.

BUT thank goodness, I can still do the big drop off and by the third time I was coerced into the front car and pulled off a "no hands!" at 75 mph!  The rush! Awesome.

The best part...oh the best part, was there was a moment on this trip where we all lived.

Where life surges through your veins and your happy meter is off the charts.
Where you laugh until you pee a little (it was a mom trip) and your cheeks hurt. 

Like a magic fairy flew over and sprinkled pixie dust and erased that little voice in your head that says ~in one hour you need to do this,I think I forgot to, I better call so and so, tomorrow I have to, I need to, I better not, Should of, Could of, Would of. ~and we were free to fly!

Even that voice that says "suck it in"~poof gone~Magic I tell you~

I am sure there are some that may see this as



Not responsible.


so be it, call it what you want, but I see it as magic.  A rare ~magic~moment where you are so alive that if someone stood close enough they could hear music pouring out of your soul. Ya know!?

Bucket lists were created, modified, crossed off, extended, possible and tangible! I believe I am going to have to resurface mine Jen's bucket list here soon to add: Kicked out of a biker bar~not just kicked out but carried out by the security guard~
Memories were made. Stories were told. Secrets shared....lives weaved closer together.

The weekend was indescribable and coming home was like
the icing on the cake,
the cherry on top.
Who could resist the desire to come home to this:

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Missing person reported!

I am a list making fool tonight!

I feel like a high school girl before prom!

I think I'm giddy!

I am going to KC with a group of friends. No husbands. No kids. No rules! (he he heee) ~yes reality is we may be asleep by 10pm but hey I said no rules!~

So far I have packed a strapless dress, some new shoes, and well who cares what else!

This weekend is so much more than just a weekend away. It is a chance to remember who I am.
Who I really am.
Does that make sense to anyone but me? 
This weekend it about remembering  my identity.
Day to day, month to month......
I am Jennifer, the mom.
Jennifer the wife
Jennifer the housekeeper
Jennifer the services coordinator
Jennifer the coworker
all of which have defined roles, expectations, responsibilities, obligations.....

This weekend I am going to be Jen~me. 

I was full of adrenaline as I sat down here quick tonight to capture the excitement but I just came down from the high and am sitting here wondering if I know who I am anymore.

Who am I without all those predefined expectations and obligations?   It is so easy to lose track of ourselves as moms. 

Someone asked a few weeks ago; "what are your hobbies?" 
Sad, but true, it stumped me. Hobbies?  "you know what you do for you, for fun?"  fun? hmmm  Play with the kids? Does that count?! We have so much to do as wives and mommies that we forget who we are and what makes us tick!

That is what this weekend is to me. 

This weekend I am Jen~just me finding me again, a reminder of the person I am......so I can come back to those roles I love and treasure in my life with a renewed & stronger spirit.