Thursday, March 20, 2014

First day of spring meltdown/recovery

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way.  Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.  Then life would begin.  At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.  ~Fr. Alfred D'Souza

It was an amazingly sunny first day of spring!

I spent it inside. 
Not even a window for a glimpse of sunny happiness.

I was talking to my sister and found myself spiraling down a whiny path of....
its so nice out and I had to do this and then that was late and now we have to and then it will be and 
I won't get to be outside taking in the beauty of the day at all and it makes me sad. 
whine. whine. whine. 

The reality was we were pulling in the driveway at 6:55pm.
Benson and I still needed to eat supper. 
Kadence still had homework.
Everyone needed baths.
Bedtime is at 8:30.
You do the math.
..and I was still feeling sorry for myself for not getting to be outside. By the time Benson finishes eating it would easily by 7:30 and too late to head out. whine whine whine

At that point I heard my own words loud and clear: 
Make a choice to breath it in. 
Make a choice to DO something. 
Just make a choice!

No one ever said that Benson must eat supper at the table right?

In that moment I made the rash decision to have an impromptu picnic in the backyard.

Just making that choice shifted the whole dynamics on the evening.

It was.........


And "nice" is just what we all needed. 

Heck, we even invited the  neighbor over for a brief lil backyard chat!

Sometimes we try and fail miserably...


don't you love it when it works!?!

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.  
~Bill Watterson,Calvin and Hobbes

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

confessional #467...interrupted.

A post by a friend has me up late tonight:
which had a little conversation going with it on facebook 

I teeter.
I want to be ok with saying: Hey I worked all day. the kids need some attention. The house can wait....
I want to be at peace with that. 
Sometimes I can.  
Other times....
well not so much. 

I am heading to my confessional here in hopes that we can unite as parents.
We may do "it" differently but I truly believe 
we are all doing our best, 
with what we know 
and what we have.
we are doing our best.
Let's unite and have less ..
"I'm sorry (xyz)"
and more
"you go girl!"s

This lil tid bit is kind of silly, maybe not that vital, but still a lil secret around here....
Since Benson was born, that would be one year ago now, I can't remember the last time we ate off real plates.

That's right paper plates. 
Every night.

Ok maybe not every night (sometimes we run out and are forced to use "real" plates! GASP!)
1. I don't have a dish washer
2. I hate dishes.
3. I have 2.5-3 hours in the evening to be a mom.  Dishes can kiss my ass. I'm tired. I work hard. Time is a       commodity around here. 
4. I feel obligated to recycle more than the average person after I retire to make up for the paper plates!
5. In order to survive, you have to compromise.  
6. repeat:  In order to survive, you have to compromise. *this was mine. It started when I went back to work from maternity leave as a, "quick fix", and here we are a year later. I can't tell you how much it has helped our evenings! In the summer if we grill....seriously I can go days without having to do dishes! That's just plain genius right there. 

Then there's my dining room floor...
I know exactly where not to step!
I started this at 10:30 pm..........Benson woke up fussing around 11pm........and is still not to sleep.
Its 2am.
 He's in his crib.
We tried the crib at 12:40 last time. 
I was trying to balance the letting him cry but not so long that it wakes up everyone else, but must have missed that delicate line as...
Cohen said "Can I not get an hour of silence?!?!?! It's 12:40!!!"  
(that was really funny at the moment.)
At this point i will get less than 3 hours of sleep tonight.

Wanna come over and judge me and my house tomorrow?
Even the next night?

I can guarantee I am not mopping the floor tomorrow either. 

Point being.

You have no idea what it is to be me.

......and vice versa.


*this post turned very bipolar. damn you sleep deprivation. damn you

**********where this was suppose to all come together and end************

I was going to share my compromises to survive.
we all have them.
we all have to live within the dynamics of our lives.
Those dynamics are different for each of us.
The things we have to compromise to survive are different.
However if you come over and think to yourself (for example): "She never has dishes on the counter"
Perhaps its not because I am super diligent...
and more because we have become paper plate abusers!

What are your compromises?
Will you share them?
Partly to make me feel better
(I do have plans to be a great recycler someday to pay society back)
..and partly because I can't completely let go.
I haven't yet mastered  the whole
"be ok"
I am doing the best I can.
Frankly there are times when it doesn't feel good enough.
 I'm trying
and maybe if I know a few of your tricks on how it always look so good from the outside I won't feel so bad that I can't keep up.
...and maybe because I will steal some of your compromises for myself!
 *ain't to proud to beg. smile!