Thursday, March 15, 2018

I think I'll take a moment celebrate my age

I think I'll take a moment celebrate my age
End of an era and the turning of a page
Now it's time to focus on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years
~Tim McGraw My Next Thirty Years

This is how I feel about Cohen's birthday. Click Here

but this one is pretty spot on too! Click Here

This. Now this is true stuff. There were no birthday treats to make for school this year. *kind of sad click here

Cohen and I share a birthday if you haven't figured that out yet. 

As of today, I have a teenager. 

*cough*
..and I turned 40

Here are some funny messages I got today:
*You better start living it up because in 20 years your going to be 60.
*Shit just got real.
*I'm almost 40 but I still feel 20, until I hang out with some 20 year olds. Then I'm like nope, never mind, I'm 40. 

I got some well wishes.
*Happy Birthday Lady! Enjoy the day!

I got a couple intriguing questions such as:
*What would you say your greatest accomplishment has been this far?
*What do you want to accomplish in the next 10?

Well if that doesn't make your mind spin a little! 


I am going to spend some time thinking about those last 2 questions. 
Have you asked yourself those questions?
Wouldn't it be interesting if we all stopped once and awhile to reflect on what we have done and what we want to do! 

We all know I love a bucket list...so I feel a new one coming! 
It's already brewing. 
Like a real vacation. 
Not a trip. 
A vacation. 
*where you get to lay around and do a lot of nothing and whatever you want mixed in
Not just tangible things, but I've been reading a book called Daring Greatly and I think I'm finding my way toward a few personal goals.


40 years.
Started here

Family.

Preschool: Sliding off the road in Sara's mom's car. 
That's what I remember!

Elementary:
*I loved School. 
I do remember in kindergarten, Cindy pulling me aside and telling me I couldn't call her Aunt Cindy at school. Andy puking on his math test got us a long recess. I would miss the buss home on purpose so I could stay and play with Tiffany and Billie Jo (shh don't tell mom). The town kids were so lucky. 


Punk rock day for homecoming. Credit to my mom how'd she ever get my hair to do that!

 Ran into this lil fella. Nice hat dad. 
Who did 40 better? lol!


High School:
*I had the best class ever! (that is the whole class. no joke)


These girls pretty much sum up my whole childhood.

College:
Megan, Jen, Sam, our little burrito. The apartment dance. The power of positive thinking. The bonus board. The damn RA.  Payless shoes. Truly the good 'ole days!






Young college love




*maybe did some learning while I was there too.




insert the real world

The first "real" job. 
My first office with a name plate.  
It used to be a closet and actually had a pipe sticking out of the wall. True story.
The learning curve! Wow.

Moving to Sidney to my 2nd real job. I learned so much from that team.
*My last day at Beverly. (and the skirt I got written up for wearing-long story)

Marriage.


Trusting your new husband to pull you tubing.
For the last time.
Ever.



Moving back to Columbus
Buying  a House.
Surprising Dad at the National Senior Olympics!





A new job that I didn't understand but took anyways and I never could have imagined how much it would  impact who I am as a person and who I am as a parent.


Babies.










Kids.


Probably one of the worlds greatest family photos





Now a teenager.
What?!



True. Real. Friends. 
That's so lucky!
To find these people...




40 years got me where I am today....
..and that's good.
Pretty darn good.


I need input.


If you want to weigh in on mine. I'll listen!
or tell me yours! I'll listen and learn! 
*What would you say your greatest accomplishment has been this far?
*What do you want to accomplish in the next 10?





Monday, January 22, 2018

be still my soul


I am not sure about anyone else but we needed a snow day...

Drift by our garage
so thank you mother nature!
Well done!
We all camped out in the basement living room last night....
...because I just needed them close. 



A favorite quote kept coming to mind today.....




Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.




Let me learn from you,
love you, 
bless you before you depart. 



Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. 


Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so.


One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, 



more than all the world, your return.                               *Mary Jean Irion








Saturday, January 20, 2018

Nobody knows how to say goodbye



Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face

Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Fix you Cold Play


Nobody knows how to say goodbye
It seems so easy 'til you try
Then the moments passed you by
Nobody knows how to say goodbye

Nobody knows Lumineer
Nobody Knows Lumineer

If you had a glimpse into our home this week,
either of these songs would have served as our theme song.
Sad thing though.
We are not a made for tv show and we can't shut it off and walk away.

No one is prepared for tragedy so when it comes knocking it can quickly shatter your reality.

Cohen and his class lost a friend and classmate Sunday in a tragic accident.
You can read more about her here: Kimmee


I sit here tonight in silence.

I need to process the conversations held in the dark ....when sleep wouldn't come.
I need to process the visitation tonight.
I need to process seeing my son and his classmates signing the casket of their friend.
I need to process how life is so fleeting.
I need to process a parent's worse nightmare.
I need to process questions asked that have no answers.
I need to process the pain I've seen in all their faces knowing...I can't fix this.
I need to process the funeral tomorrow.
I need to process....


Maybe there are lessons that come in life, that we aren't ready for.
Maybe that's ok.

I don't want to live every day in fear of what may happen next. I don't want to be on guard all the time for the next bad thing. One cannot be prepared for tragedy. If you are always waiting for the shoe to drop, are you really living at all?  Are you really living your life?

This will forever be etched in Cohen's (and all his classmates') story.
In 5, 10, 20, 30 years when his path crosses with loss again...this week will have become of part of who he is and how he responds.

A boy in his class asked "When I cried on Monday, did I look weak?" so many thoughts wanted to pour out of my mouth but with God's wisdom I only replied with "How did you respond?" He was quiet and said "No. I wish I would have cried more. This is really hard."
I overheard another boy tonight saying, "I tried not to cry but then Mr. Jurgensen asked me if I was ok and gave me a hug and I couldn't help it. I lost it."
When did they learn it wasn't ok to cry? How did that happen?! 



This is hard. This is tragic.
This is awful.
This is real..
.and it hurts.

This week has set the stage. That seems extra overwhelming to me.

As I watched his class together tonight, crying and laughing...I couldn't help but see something I hadn't noticed before, a closeness, a bond.  I sit here tonight praying for a few things that his little class, including Jaimee can hold on to, take with them and forever be a part of who they are.....

1. You only get one life.  Don't live in fear but don't squander the gift of life you've been given. None of us know when our story ends. 

2. Never forget the power of friendship. Listen. Answer the hard questions. Show up. Your friends are who will be there when it seems the world has stopped turning and you don't know which way is up. 

3. Sometimes you will feel weak. Vulnerable. Sometimes life is damn hard. That doesn't mean you are weak. That means you are real. Don't run from this. Let your friends help you. Let them help you. Reinvest in your faith. Use these moments to ground you. 

4. Back to Cold Play...but....lights will guide you home. Literally, home is your base...but more than that, man I pray we have laid a foundation. I pray in a more figurative way ....because I know life is hard and I know another day is going to come that you are lost....unable to breath and broken....I pray that we have given you the skills, the faith, the strength, the foundation...that when you're "lost" that foundation will be the light that guides you home.... Back to you. 


A discussion with classmates centered around not knowing what to do....I don't know the answer. 
Is there an answer?
You didn't do enough.
You tried to do too much. 
I personally think the only answer is this:
Sometimes in life horribly hard things happen...
and the only thing you really can do is.... 
show up. 

Just be willing to show up,
the rest will sort itself out. 

Tomorrow is going to be hard for so many....
                              
Nobody really knows how to say goodbye. It seems so easy 'til you try.....