Thursday, October 3, 2013

One foot in front of the other

*If I could figure out how to play
in the background I would!

In a world full of people who couldn't care less, be someone who couldn't care more.  ~Author Unknown

Its been brewing. A bit like the weather tonight
The to do list continues to grow longer.
Time gets shorter.
Stress levels rise higher.
Inevitably as stress levels rise, everything on the to do list feels more and more like an emergency
and you hang on the best you can. 

I've been living it, watching it, all brewing, swirling, knowing it was creating the perfect storm.

Work is piling up.

Benson has decided that sleeping through the night is over rated
*even though he's done it since he was 2 months old

The demands of working full time and running a house hold with three children is, 
well lets be honest not always a cake walk. 

Schools back in session.
*Which means in about 2 hours 15 min we need to say hello, talk about our day, cook supper, eat supper, do homework , practice spelling words, take baths, read for at least 15 mins and do bedtime and frankly that's an exhausting pace.   AND to risk being totally honest a pace that apparently I haven't been managing well, which was evidenced by a homework paper, that I signed off on, that came back with a 68 on it! There's a parenting win for ya. If you need to pat yourself on the back and need a reason...there ya go!

Kadence has an ear infection that seems to have set up camp for awhile.

I single handedly lost my camera.
*Wish I could blame someone for that

and the list goes on and on....

You know the moment in your own life,
When you know its all coming to a head
As you're clinging on for dear life. 
yes that's the one.....
that's where I am.

I may or may not have promised this wouldn't make it on line..I can't remember..Its vague. ;)
After about a 3 day span of dissecting my life
my parenting skills and/or fails,
full of what ifs and maybes...
Under stress...
Doubt always has to  creep in.
Questioning decisions...
*a few friends may have blocked my number by now! ~smile

The afternoon was  filled with doubt
added to a
Mounting To do list....

Things were getting ugly.

I had told the kids we could go watch Elli's volleyball game tonight
(Cause when your feeling overwhelmed you should always add extra curricular activities to the schedule. Right? Seems legit.....eye roll at myself)

I held it together.
I was feeling like we would manage.

Kadence was finishing her homework on the drive to Columbus
Cohen and I were practicing his spelling words, while driving.
no moment goes wasted around here.
There isn't time. 
There was whining.
Empty promises of "I'll do it later I swear."
Second guessing  this "great idea"
I head into Arbys with three kids.
Cohen carrying his reading homework
Kadence carrying a marker 
(you never know when you may need a random marker lets be serious here)
Me Carrying a car seat,
Diaper bag, and purse both swung over the shoulder.
We got this.
self talk.

A nice looking standard farmer type couple maybe in their 60's were ordering ahead of us.
We discuss what everyone wants so we are ready when it's our turn.
we order.
Someone inevitably changes their  mind.
*SIGH heavily
The lady says "It will be $13. 57"
I go to hand her my check card
and I hear....
"I got it for her"
I turn to my right and standing there is the man who ordered before us...
he came back up and paid for our supper.
He said 
"I want to get this. Enjoy your evening."
I cried.

Like instantly.

Like the building, piling, swirling, stress exploded...

and I was blubbering mess

 standing in Arbys with three kids and some mozzarella sticks.

I said back to him
thorough a haze of tears and sniffing

"it's been a bad day and you're like a life raft. I'm not sure thank you does this justice"

And before me stands this 60 year old farmer guy 
tearing up.
Not saying another word.

I'm a crying disaster. 

The Arbys order taking lady is now crying...

It was surreal


It was hope.

I have said time and time again.
I do not believe in coincidences.
Everything happens for a reason,
if you're willing to listen. 
On the drive over to Columbus
 in the middle of the whining and empty promises 
and spelling words and homework and practice phonogram sounds
 I was analyzing decisions made today and probably some impending decisions that will be coming and questioning myself and everything else (like I said we multitask around moment wasted)
I have a tendency to over analyze.

And then this man.

This small random act of kindness...

No, this was no coincidence...

this was hope.

This was just what I needed,

Right when I needed it,


Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier.  ~Author Unknown

and with hope comes the knowledge that...

it's going to be ok.






Maybe not easy. Maybe not the way I pictured it,
but ok.
I'll take it.

"How beautiful a day can be when kindness touches it!" ~george elliston

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