Friday, July 25, 2014

an attempt to release the negative...

I'm tired.

Not the "I stayed up too late last night" tired, but the "weight of responsibilities has gotten heavy" kind of tired.

There's a distinct difference.

The pace has been nonstop,
at work and home,
life's moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose.

Rushing and racing and running in circles
but I'm getting no where.
Well just further behind....
while life passes by.

It happens to all of us,
but that doesn't make me feel any better about it.
As stress increases
parenting skills decrease.

The stories aren't cute.
The "mom watch me's" becomes like fingernails on a chalkboard
The "can we's" are annoying.
The thought of bedtime is your saving grace.

When its quiet.
When they're sleeping peacefully
and the thoughts of the  half listened to stories, the missed "Watch me's", the refusals of "can we"...creep in...that's when the gravity of my choices is the heaviest. ya know?

Like your conscious does it's best to remind you where your priorities need to be tomorrow.

But with the morning begins again.

With a couple weeks of summer left the kids made note of the final things
they want on their summer bucket list.
They posted it on the refrigerator.
Keeps me accountable.
I need that these days.

1 Challenge from Tina
2. Swimming. Lots of it
3. Glow Stick bike ride
4. Pontoon and tubing
5. Farmers Market

Fake it till you make it right!?

no comments necessary.
you have to acknowledge the feeling before you can release it.
its a process....

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Summer show down...

Summer is flying by and I'm not sure where time is going. 
As always we entered into summer with high expectations
and I suppose for the most part the season has delivered.

Thus far we've filled the weeks 
with baseball,


 and threw in a vacation to the black hills. 

We took a jeep road and smack into the middle of the buffalo heard.
They are gigantic animals
....and were so close we could have touched them.
*I honestly had to self talk at one point...buffalo eat grass. not people

It was a much needed get away.
Probably the best part.
Limited to no cell phone reception or internet.
Finding the balance between being successful at work 
and being the mom I want my kids to have has proven challenging this summer

I am unable to disconnect, from work, from life.
When I'm at work I'm constantly thinking about what needs done at home, what I should have done the night before, how I responded to the kids....and vice versa step foot into the house and my mind is back at work...
a never ending to do list
a never ending demand
so a vacation where the choice is made for you...
for me

I am hoping however to fill the heart of summer with more....
down time.
This pace isn't sustainable.
I'm tired.

It is my parenting goal this week to develop our end of summer bucket list.

We have about 4 weeks. 
It's not much, 
but it can be plenty should we choose to make the most of it.

...and I have every intent to make the most of it.

summer bucket list is brewing but I would love:
Bring it on. 

"The journey is the reward." Amish proverb