Saturday, May 29, 2010

an enchanted place

"There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again." ~Elizabeth Lawrence






There are days that define perfect.

These are the days I hope my kids remember.
Not the days where mom is too busy to play,
but the days where the sun is shining and it's not about what we have and don't have,
it's all about soaking up every ounce of fun we can.
Where impromptu picnics require coolers of ice, even if your travels lead you to the back yard.

and the back yard magically transforms into an enchanted garden.

There are days that I want to grab with both hands and hold on to knowing that I can't stop time.

There are days I long for my childhood.
When there was nothing better than a warm summer day and cool water. 
When you grow up, fun doesn't stop, but it isn't pure.
There is always that voice inside reminding you~in one hour you need to do this, what are the repercussions of this, I think I forgot to.., I better call so and so, tomorrow I have to, I need to, I better not, Should of, Could of, Would of. ~

And oh there are days I want that "pure" piece back.


 Today seemed different.
Today I didn't long for that bliss that is only found in childhood
because today I could see that pure,
unbridled happiness in my babies. 

And that makes all around a
 perfect and PURE happy day, for all of us. 


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I feel as though

"Just around the corner in every woman's mind - is a lovely dress, a wonderful suit, or entire costume which will make an enchanting new creature of her." ~Wilhela Cushman


I am sitting here totally rockin' it out in my "new" borrowed plaid dress.

I am not posting a picture because:

When you get a new dress and you think you are totally rockin' it~head turnin' style~a picture of you in that dress always ruins the illusion and then you find out you were turning heads for a whole different reason!

So tonight I am so rockin' it! Who cares if I am alone drinking a schwany daiquiri! I'm hot!
(for now-don't kill my illusion-I'm havin' a moment here!)

Every once in awhile a girl needs to know, or at least think, she's still got it!

*I think this warrents new shoes don't you?!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Take yourself by surprise

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read and all the friends I want to see." ~John Burroughs


I am a planner.
I like to know what we are doing, where we are going. I spend countless energy on analyzing and contemplating the best time to leave to correlate nap time, meal time, drive time, crowd time, bed time(you get the point). The pros the cons the goods the bads....I am a planner. I like routine. I like predictability.

I like to think that I am more spontaneous than I really am, but when it boils down to it. I am really not spontaneous at all.

This weekend I have thrown caution to the wind (so to speak).
Friday, a friend (seems weird to say friend because she really is so much more than that) who lives a long ways away, called and was in the area for a work meeting.  She had a long lunch break so we decided to meet in Schuyler (half way for both of us), eat a late lunch, catch up a little bit, and go again our separate ways.

At 12:30pm we meet in front of Burrito House. 
At 12:40 we are eating one of the best burritos we've ever had!
At 1:20 the conversation was really getting started.
At 2:15 we had moved on to kids....oh the kids.
At 3:00 the conversation was back to the glory days (college)
At 3:50 we finally realized what time it was and that we had now been sitting in the burrito house for 3 1/2 hours.

She missed her afternoon session at her work conference. I missed, well, the rest of my work day!

As I was driving back I thought to myself "that was so uncharacteristic", so unplanned, so FUN! I should do this more! So many times I am confined by the clock! Not Friday!
*ask my husband as he had worked the night before and I was suppose to call and wake him up at 12:30, but in all the excitement of Megan and the Burrito house I didn't realize I hadn't called him until, yup, 3:50 when I looked at the clock!  WHOOPS!

Somehow that has set the tone for the weekend so far. We took the kids to the car races, both kids. My "normal" self would have sent Mark and Cohen because~Kadence won't sit. It's too loud. It's too late. It doesn't start until 8pm. That's already BEDTIME ~gasp heaven forbid~
She had a GREAT time and she left the head set (ear plugs) on her ears for practically the entire night. I put her to bed at 11pm!  That's huge for me! That is so out of routine! AND guess what...the world didn't stop spinning!

Today was the whammy I must say!  I had "planned" that we  would hang out at home, be outside all day, play in the sprinkler, ride bikes, etc.  Well the wind was horrible and I could see from the get go that the "plan" for today was nixed.


I knew Kadence would take a long nap, so I decided to head to Omaha at nap time, just for a QUICK shopping trip and be home in time for supper! I am not sure I have ever just decided, hey I am going to run to Omaha in like an hour, just because!


 About that time Cohen's cousin called and said "come play" and ta daaaaaaaaa.........FREE AFTERNOON for mommy and I DIDN'T PLAN IT!!!!!!!!! Holy crap is this really happening!






There is so much excitement when you come around the corner and THE MALL!!!! Ahhhh it is like a little adrenaline rush!  Man I scored some great deals~GAP had buy one shirt get the 2nd FREE!~


I stayed (sort of ) focused and was home in time for supper!
It was perfect. A shopping trip alone (which I enjoy sometimes!), some great deals, and I didn't really have to trade off missing time with my kids because Kadence slept most of it and Cohen was so excited to be playing with Taylin he would not have known if I WAS there!

I had no idea that things could go so well with NO planning, fly by the seat of your pants, type of days! The weekend has been completely against the grain, unplanned, uncharacteristic and Look I am still Alive! YAY!


“Spontaneity is the quality of being able to do something just because you feel like it at the moment, of trusting your instincts, of taking yourself by surprise and snatching from the clutches of your well-organized routine, a bit of unscheduled pleasure”




The Crazies must have rubbed off on the kids and our night looked a little like this:
*disclaimer I did not choose the outfit


Yes! Crazy, fun, unpredictable life is good!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Roots.

"To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter... to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird's nest or a wildflower in spring - these are some of the rewards of the simple life." ~John Burroughs


I love Spring.


This afternoon we rolled up our sleeves and got our hands dirty.
Cohen started growing me some flowers at preschool, which he ever so proudly gave me for Mother's Day.
The weather has not been cooperating to get them planted until finally today.
He choose the perfect flower pot for the perfect flowers.
Yes.
This is the final product.
The biggest flower pot I have.
Oh how I chuckled inside when he said this, this was the right pot for his special flowers! 
The flowers are but merely sprouts, but they are blooming with love!

We managed to plant a few other things tonight, relaxing and fun; yes, but not as glorious as Cohen's flowers!


I love the transition from afternoon to evening.
When it seems wasteful to go in the house,
so supper is outside and anywhere you want it.


But mostly I love small town life.

There is something so calm and peaceful about a warm spring evening in a small town. When we first moved back to Rising I hated to even admit it to people when the question would arise "So where are you at these days?" 
And Now. Now we are so at home here. I know it sounds cliche and if you've never lived in a small town it is probably nearly impossible to understand how great it is.
People pass by.
They DO call you by your first name.
They know your mom and they ask how your grandma is doing and I love that.
I love how an evening can be transformed into an impromptu get together.
I have just come to appreciate how much is lost in the hustle and bustle of modern day life and that maybe
just maybe
by growing up in a small town my kids will have something,
that so many kids lack these days.
Roots.

Where Home is more than a place. It's a feeling.
Where lives are weaved together under the evening sun...
in a small town.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

the sun shall rise.

Dawn seemed to follow midnight with indecent haste. ~J.K. Rowling


It's a little childish I know, but I am stalling bedtime.....

Do you do that sometimes? 

As I sit here tonight I am at complete peace with the world. I feel as if at this very moment the stars are all aligned and I am in the right place at the right time.
Right place and right time for what?
I do not know and frankly it doesn't really matter.
It just feels right.

Oh these moments are so rare, where all is right with the world, where all the worries have been washed away hugs and kisses, with hand made cards, with laughter.

And. and I know I will go to bed.
 and
 I know when morning comes...
 so will all the "hurry up's" "we need to go's" and the "to do's" and "wants" and bills and stress,
and so I stall...

For I know that it is a rare and fleeting moment when I am at peace with myself and for that I will stall as long as I can.

Because just for a moment I believe I can stop the hands of time.
 
 
 
"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer." ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Friday, May 7, 2010

Economics-Supply and Demand

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within. ~Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross


 

What we remember from childhood we remember forever - permanent ghosts, stamped, inked, imprinted, eternally seen. ~Cynthia Ozick


The last two weeks Cohen has gotten "mouthy."  Let's just say the  listening skills have not been very good.
Of course the few things we know about "behavior" is that it is a form of communication and most times it has more to do with what we (parents did/didn't do) than the child themselves. Typically the person that needs to change is me, the parent.

So this new attitude thing has left me questioning. 
Questioning lots of things because that is what we do as good mom's.
We questions ourselves.
 What's he "looking" for?  What is he getting from it? What is the underlying need?
My mind continues to to wander back to the same thought....he needs more time.
Time with me.
Time with his dad.
Time without so many demands.

I teeter on the edge of deciding if I am too hard on him or too lenient.
Are my expectations realistic?
There is such a fine and delicate line between tearing a child down and building a child up.
Before I was a parent I would have never understood how close those lines are.
"Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you."~Robert Fulghum

I have found myself trying to reflect on my actions which of course influence his actions.
How do I handle my anger?
How do I handle my frustrations?
How I do react when someone request I do something that I don't want to?
Behaviors are learned. Right?!
It is an excruciating process to realize that your downfalls are surfacing in your child.

This week has turned into a competition for attention between my "babies." 
The "look at me's" and "see" and "mom's" and "watch this" are at a record all time high.

I fear that Cohen sometimes takes a back seat to Kadence. Not intentionally of course, but in general she has a more "demanding" personality. If I am not paying attention, she will get me(and everyone else!) to pay attention.
She has an amazing capability to suck all the possible attention out of a situation with cuteness and confidence, which is why I think he has taken his attitude to the next level!  As his cuteness typically is show cased in tender, quiet, but thoughtful manner (but see how that doesn't demand the same attention!)

If I hired someone to come in and track my most common statements I am confident that "Just a minute" would fall in the top 5!  I will admit that bothers me.
"If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves." ~C.G. Jung, Integration of the Personality, 1939



The more I try to balance the shared attention, the more I seem to feel like it's not enough.
I feel like I am pouring attention into each of their little attention need buckets but by splitting it, I will never get their buckets full.
Does that make sense?
Like it's not enough.
They need more.
HE needs more.
I am sure wishing I would have payed more attention in that silly economics class (that I hated with a passion) and would have taken the time to understand the theories related to supply and demand because this week the more I supply the more they demand.
and I find myself feeling like this........
Which is fine for awhile, but no one can maintain that!

I do know one other thing.
Because I care. Because I love. Because I am constantly questioning....I am doing my job.
I am a mom.
Happy Mother's day all you wonderful (full of worry)mom's out there!

"You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back." ~William D. Tammeus


Thursday, May 6, 2010

Spreading awareness

This is a video to raise awareness about CdLS. One of the families is from Columbus...the rest I haven't ever met!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Gentlemen choose your weapon

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. ~Robert Anderson, Solitaire & Double Solitaire


The proverbial argument has emerged again. That "one" that seems to always come back around. This marital "disagreement" at my house ended up as the lunch topic of conversation at work today.
Now I have an outstanding hodge podge of co workers varying along the spectrum from one that is very similar to me and gives me the "hell ya's" and "oh no he didn'ts" just at the right times to one that has the "fairytale" love even after 20 years of marriage, who provides the "now Jennifer, its all in how you look at it. Men's brains are very different and the sooner you accept that the happier you will be's."

The interesting part of today's conversation is our newest coworker who is from India. I wonder tonight his impression of our discussion at lunch today! He was sharing later about marriage in India and in a few years he will return home to an arranged marriage!  Yes after today I am SURE he won't be desiring to marry an American girl! *insert smile here

This conversation with him got us talking at work today about how different life would be for each of us. Who would our parent's have picked for us?  Could you imagine being told "well here ya go. This is your husband. Hope you like him!"  Oh course we had to ask the poor fella that one and our coworker's response to that question was "I trust my parents. they have known me for 29 years and they will pick the right person.  There will not be "love" love at first but marriage is different there. You do not work on your marriage alone you have the support and love of two families whose role is to support and grow your marriage with you."  Isn't that interesting!?

I wanted to ask more about if women were "submissive" there but after the earlier conversation figured I better wait to hear the answer on that one!!! Since he was the sole male in the conversation with 5 women!

So who would your parents have picked? Would they have been "right?" Seems like an intersting topic for conversation on Mother's day! Get to thinking mom!  

Here is the recommended area I can work on (per the Indian and the "fairytale love" coworker *smile)

"Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid." ~Harlan Miller

As I am a bit more like this:

"The man who never in his life



Has washed the dishes with his wife

Or polished up the silver plate -

He still is largely celibate."       ~Christopher Morley, Washing the Dishes

Ahh to see what tomorrow brings! Just so you know the dishes "stand off" lasted two days and I was victorious! *see now I would be getting a high five from a few coworkers and an insightful lecture from a few others for that thought/comment! *