Friday, May 7, 2010

Economics-Supply and Demand

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within. ~Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross


What we remember from childhood we remember forever - permanent ghosts, stamped, inked, imprinted, eternally seen. ~Cynthia Ozick

The last two weeks Cohen has gotten "mouthy."  Let's just say the  listening skills have not been very good.
Of course the few things we know about "behavior" is that it is a form of communication and most times it has more to do with what we (parents did/didn't do) than the child themselves. Typically the person that needs to change is me, the parent.

So this new attitude thing has left me questioning. 
Questioning lots of things because that is what we do as good mom's.
We questions ourselves.
 What's he "looking" for?  What is he getting from it? What is the underlying need?
My mind continues to to wander back to the same thought....he needs more time.
Time with me.
Time with his dad.
Time without so many demands.

I teeter on the edge of deciding if I am too hard on him or too lenient.
Are my expectations realistic?
There is such a fine and delicate line between tearing a child down and building a child up.
Before I was a parent I would have never understood how close those lines are.
"Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you."~Robert Fulghum

I have found myself trying to reflect on my actions which of course influence his actions.
How do I handle my anger?
How do I handle my frustrations?
How I do react when someone request I do something that I don't want to?
Behaviors are learned. Right?!
It is an excruciating process to realize that your downfalls are surfacing in your child.

This week has turned into a competition for attention between my "babies." 
The "look at me's" and "see" and "mom's" and "watch this" are at a record all time high.

I fear that Cohen sometimes takes a back seat to Kadence. Not intentionally of course, but in general she has a more "demanding" personality. If I am not paying attention, she will get me(and everyone else!) to pay attention.
She has an amazing capability to suck all the possible attention out of a situation with cuteness and confidence, which is why I think he has taken his attitude to the next level!  As his cuteness typically is show cased in tender, quiet, but thoughtful manner (but see how that doesn't demand the same attention!)

If I hired someone to come in and track my most common statements I am confident that "Just a minute" would fall in the top 5!  I will admit that bothers me.
"If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves." ~C.G. Jung, Integration of the Personality, 1939

The more I try to balance the shared attention, the more I seem to feel like it's not enough.
I feel like I am pouring attention into each of their little attention need buckets but by splitting it, I will never get their buckets full.
Does that make sense?
Like it's not enough.
They need more.
HE needs more.
I am sure wishing I would have payed more attention in that silly economics class (that I hated with a passion) and would have taken the time to understand the theories related to supply and demand because this week the more I supply the more they demand.
and I find myself feeling like this........
Which is fine for awhile, but no one can maintain that!

I do know one other thing.
Because I care. Because I love. Because I am constantly questioning....I am doing my job.
I am a mom.
Happy Mother's day all you wonderful (full of worry)mom's out there!

"You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back." ~William D. Tammeus


Paige said...

Ah, Jen. You're a wonderful Mom and a big inspiration to me. Happy Mother's Day to YOU!

Kim said...

Happy Be-lated Mother's Day to your posting! I love Cohen's art work on his feet!!!!!!!