Nobody knows how to say goodbye

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face

Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Fix you Cold Play


Nobody knows how to say goodbye
It seems so easy 'til you try
Then the moments passed you by
Nobody knows how to say goodbye

Nobody knows Lumineer
Nobody Knows Lumineer

If you had a glimpse into our home this week,
either of these songs would have served as our theme song.
Sad thing though.
We are not a made for tv show and we can't shut it off and walk away.

No one is prepared for tragedy so when it comes knocking it can quickly shatter your reality.

Cohen and his class lost a friend and classmate Sunday in a tragic accident.
You can read more about her here: Kimmee

I sit here tonight in silence.

I need to process the conversations held in the dark ....when sleep wouldn't come.
I need to process the visitation tonight.
I need to process seeing my son and his classmates signing the casket of their friend.
I need to process how life is so fleeting.
I need to process a parent's worse nightmare.
I need to process questions asked that have no answers.
I need to process the pain I've seen in all their faces knowing...I can't fix this.
I need to process the funeral tomorrow.
I need to process....

Maybe there are lessons that come in life, that we aren't ready for.
Maybe that's ok.

I don't want to live every day in fear of what may happen next. I don't want to be on guard all the time for the next bad thing. One cannot be prepared for tragedy. If you are always waiting for the shoe to drop, are you really living at all?  Are you really living your life?

This will forever be etched in Cohen's (and all his classmates') story.
In 5, 10, 20, 30 years when his path crosses with loss again...this week will have become of part of who he is and how he responds.

A boy in his class asked "When I cried on Monday, did I look weak?" so many thoughts wanted to pour out of my mouth but with God's wisdom I only replied with "How did you respond?" He was quiet and said "No. I wish I would have cried more. This is really hard."
I overheard another boy tonight saying, "I tried not to cry but then Mr. Jurgensen asked me if I was ok and gave me a hug and I couldn't help it. I lost it."
When did they learn it wasn't ok to cry? How did that happen?! 



This is hard. This is tragic.
This is awful.
This is real..
.and it hurts.

This week has set the stage. That seems extra overwhelming to me.

As I watched his class together tonight, crying and laughing...I couldn't help but see something I hadn't noticed before, a closeness, a bond.  I sit here tonight praying for a few things that his little class, including Jaimee can hold on to, take with them and forever be a part of who they are.....

1. You only get one life.  Don't live in fear but don't squander the gift of life you've been given. None of us know when our story ends. 

2. Never forget the power of friendship. Listen. Answer the hard questions. Show up. Your friends are who will be there when it seems the world has stopped turning and you don't know which way is up. 

3. Sometimes you will feel weak. Vulnerable. Sometimes life is damn hard. That doesn't mean you are weak. That means you are real. Don't run from this. Let your friends help you. Let them help you. Reinvest in your faith. Use these moments to ground you. 

4. Back to Cold Play...but....lights will guide you home. Literally, home is your base...but more than that, man I pray we have laid a foundation. I pray in a more figurative way ....because I know life is hard and I know another day is going to come that you are lost....unable to breath and broken....I pray that we have given you the skills, the faith, the strength, the foundation...that when you're "lost" that foundation will be the light that guides you home.... Back to you. 

A discussion with classmates centered around not knowing what to do....I don't know the answer. 

Is there an answer?

You didn't do enough.

You tried to do too much. 

I personally think the only answer is this:

Sometimes in life horribly hard things happen...

and the only thing you really can do is.... 

show up. 

Just be willing to show up,

the rest will sort itself out. 

Tomorrow is going to be hard for so many....

                              

Nobody really knows how to say goodbye. It seems so easy 'til you try.....