Mark is on nights this week.
I can go a month before it sets in. Then it seems out of nowhere it creeps up. That fear of darkness. I was making my way to my bedroom for some much anticipated and deeply desired sleep, when I made one last "lap" through the living room to clean up any little toys that would be in the path from Kadence's bed to the couch, to prevent those moments in the middle of the night when you make the dark/quiet journey to the couch and step on an unexpected little toy and your foot is sore for a week...*anyways that was sidebar. I was making the "lap." When I glanced up and noticed the front door cracked open. In that moment before I could consciously think about it. My heart rate shot up, my breathing quickened and my fear response of fight or flight was kicking in. I will have to admit I swallowed hard, walked quickly to the door, locked it and began the "self talk." I told myself the kids used the door (and they did) It just didn't get closed all the way. No big deal. The self talk wasn't adequate so I walked back thru the kitchen and past a window with no shade. That just creeps me out even more. The thought that someone could see in but I can't see out. Oh man the little hairs on my arm are still standing straight up. Right now I am "self talking" again. "It's Rising City. It's Rising City. If someone wanted to stalk someone they would surely pick a "target" that is skinnier and looks better than this mom of two! Right!? and who stalks some one in Rising City"
Just now it made me remember back to when we lived on the farm and I would park my car in the little shop/garage which was a good distance from the house. I can remember parking the car. Sitting there for a moment.....self talking myself that there is no reason to fear the darkness...take a deep breath, get out of the car and.......RUN! Run as fast as possible to the house. Every time. Where does that fear come from?
doors locked: check
windows locked: check
kids sleeping peacefully: check
*cell phone by the bed (just tonight, everyone needs a security blanket): check
Oh little hairs on my arm lay down. Heart rate come back down from the ceiling. I so anticipated a quiet slumber tonight.
"Fear can keep us up all night long, but faith makes one fine pillow." ~unknown