Tuesday, November 16, 2010

throwin' punches

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out. ~Anton Chekhov

Consider this therapy for the week {or at least tonight}
and just so you know,before you waste your time reading, this is nothing profound or heck even interesting but it is clogging up my mind and more than ever I could use a clear mind...so out you go random cloudy thoughts!

Promises. Promises.
For three consecutive weeks I have promised myself, just get through this week/weekend and it will be fine.
Just get through the Halloween Fundraiser and it will be fine.
Just get through the week of watching Grandma decline and it will be fine.
Just get through this week of funeral, family, kadence puking with a fever-two doctor visits and one shot later, it will be fine.
Just get......well you get the point.

Funny thing about perspective.

It's always changing.

The promises were a coping mechanism and I would say, although silly, they work.

That is "worked."

Until this week.
 Three weeks of get up,
go to work,
worry (OMG I am organizing a Halloween festival, will there be enough food, games, will anyone show up?)
worry worry worry,
worry (Oh Grandma~Goodbye is hard)
Come home from work, worry some more.
Put the kids to bed.
Do more work until midnight or
stay up and work on a photo book memento of Grandma while the kids are sleeping.
Get up at 6 and do it again.
Three weeks.
I'm done.
I'm crumblin' people.
The walls are falling down.
(oh I know it will be fine. Life keeps going and this cycle will move out and a new one will move in, but come on already shouldn't I get out of this valley soon)

And again I repeat to you and to myself

Perspective is a funny thing

It's Always changing.

If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes. ~The Houghton Line,  1965
(see perspective!)

I'm tired.
I'm done.
and my kids are the ones paying the price and that makes me sad.
so now
I'm sad.

Since I just happen to be on a worry kick the last 3 weeks

I must say right now I hate Kindergarten.
The letter home Friday says this:
We have reviewed the 48 phonographs. Our new sounds this week were: ew-oo u {threw, Few} ow {how, low} ou {round, soul, you, double} ui[oo u {fruit, Juice} ay-2 letter a that we do use at the end of English words and ai- 2 letter a that we do not use at the end of Eng words. Why? Eng words do nto end with i. AW that we do use at the end of Eng words, au that we do nto use at the end of Eng words Why? Eng words do not end in u or i. We also learned aw {saw} and au{ saucer} Remember the parts in {} are not said to your child, they are just words for parents to think of the sounds.
Then I get out his homework sheet for this week (so above was just the sounds they did last week) these are for this week:





ed-past tense ending (like he'll know what the hell that means)

ck-2 letter k used only after a single vowel which says a e i o u



*warning I am tired and been avg 5 hours of sleep or less a night for about 3 weeks(I'm an 8 hour kind of gal) and really hung my hat that this week was going to be better only to get drowned again and realize nope one more week of this continues......thus profanity follows, you were warned**
~disclaimer: this is not an attack against his teacher or school...just the world itself and its standards and demands and criteria!~

So I read this kindergarten letter and holy shit I don't even know what the hell half of that means really?!?! and I graduated with honors from college! In one week my 5yr old should know that?!?! and be moving onto 8 new ones. I am drowning and can't even keep up on making the flash cards let alone keep his interest in learning them and cripes I don't even know half the sounds the right way because she doesn't send home the "helper words" until Friday after the week is over and the test is done!!!!! So what the hell kind of help is that to parents??!?!?!? Really?? Like his sounds for this week, she won't send us the letter now until Friday when the test is over for this week on what sounds all those different letter combinations make and I don't know those off the top of my head and now I am whining and carrying on......I digress......
Whew I feel better.

Therapy via blogging is good.
available late at night.
and it's all I got

Back to work. (time check: midnight)
or is that back to worry....
oh well it's all the same right now,
either one means limited sleep.

Here's the thing again!

Perspective is a funny thing
It is always changing.

Bad is never good until worse happens. ~Danish Proverb

I thought the week leading up to Halloween was "bad"
Then the next week hit and I would have given anything to go back to "bad" of the Halloween week.
Then the next week hit with a blow to the stomach, breath stealing good bye to Grandma, compounded by a sick poor lil one.

I am hanging on by a thread.
Dreaming of a new perspective.

We all live within our own realities our own "perspectives"
bad week/good week is relative to our own life experiences.
To some they may say "Wow Jen's that's a lot.
and others may say
"you think that's bad...take a look at my life."
and I say
This is my life.
My perspective.
My painful growth.

Oh this learning and growing thing can be so draining sometimes.
I am ready for a new lesson plan oh Master!

Thanks for checking in my "free" and "wise" therapist readers!
Feel free to leave your diagnosis and prognosis *smile*
and I'll stop rambling now...

"That was rough.... Thing to do now is try and forget it.... I guess I don't quite mean that. It's not a thing you can forget. Maybe not even a thing you want to forget.... Life's like that sometimes... Now and then for no good reason a man can figure out, life will just haul off and knock him flat, slam him agin' the ground so hard it seems like all his insides is busted. But it's not all like that. A lot of it's mighty fine, and you can't afford to waste the good part frettin' about the bad. That makes it all bad.... Sure, I know - sayin' it's one thing and feelin' it's another. But I'll tell you a trick that's sometimes a big help. When you start lookin' around for something good to take the place of the bad, as a general rule you can find it." ~From the movie Old Yeller


Red Shoes.

Watch out world


The Preister's said...

you rocked those red shoes!!

Kim said...

I will keep sending you Carynn's news letter to help you out! hang in there and remember I'm here if you need anything!!! Even a drinking buddy :)