Thursday, November 4, 2010

Finishing touches

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer." ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Sleep eludes me this week.

I have a great many excuses, that I like to think are legit, but really I just can't make myself go to sleep. 
 For if I sleep another day comes much to quickly

and the coming of another day only draws us closer to saying goodbye.

I am aware that the day is going to come either way sleep or no sleep........

Yes we know the day is going to come.
A goodbye is drawing near...

Having done hospice
worked in a nursing home
sat with parents whose child just took their last breath only minutes before,
I have many views about death and dying.
Are they evidenced based? Theories? Coping mechanisms?
Of that I am not clear nor do I care to sort it out.
I am content to find comfort in my theories.

I think that when we are allowed to go through the dying process we get the chance to sort out our lives.
From the outside, to loved ones, the physical appearance and decline is painful...but I have to believe that all the beauty is being absorbed and used to write your very own glorious final chapter.
To take a moment all to yourself
and sort out all of those things that you never told anyone.
All of the wishes, the should haves, could haves, and shouldn'ts that have weighed on your heart over a life time. 

The moment belongs to only you.
The process allows you to put the finishing touches on the very last chapter of your life story
and close the book,
with peace of mind.

So we wait
as the finishing touches are delicately hand crafted
fine detail that can only be created by the designer themselves....

and waiting is hard
when you are not the author.....

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown


Kelsey said...

Great post Jen! i have been thinking of you girls!! Keep me posted on everythng!! Love the pictures they are great to have when you miss her you can look back at them and her!! Also they are great to have to show the kids and tell them about grandma Ella and how great she was!! Also i never noticed how much of a Mini me K-dance is !!! geez she looks just like you as a kiddo!! Thinking of you guys!! let me know if you need anything!!

Debbie Isenhart said...

Thia ia beautiful Jen!! I started bawling (yes I'm a sap) when I looked at this. Grandma is an extremely awesome woman and will be missed terribly by all of us when the time does come. Makes me think of all the times we played restaurant in her basement and her famous Orange Juice Slushies. Love ya Cuz!!

Kim said...

Not sure how to comment on this blog besides saying "awesome and well put together". Having a super hard time thinking about letting Grandma go, but the time is coming and she will be happy with Grandpa again!

The Preister's said...

your grandma is eternally blessed by having the love of your family be so strong and proud! my wish for you is that your final days with her, however many that may be, will be filled with more memories to write on the walls of your heart and share with your loved ones.