Wednesday, September 29, 2010

falling slowly

“Isn't it the moment of most profound doubt that gives birth to new certainties? Perhaps hopelessness is the very soil that nourishes human hope; perhaps one could never find sense in life without first experiencing its absurdity...” ~Vaclav Havel

Lets hope that quote holds true.

Sometimes doubt creeps into my life.

When it makes it presence known, it is hard for me to move on.
Did I do what I should have? 

 Is it too late??

Was it enough? 

Did my selfishness overcome my intent?

Have I failed?

Can i go back? Do it again? Please?

When doubt creeps in it is quickly followed by guilt.
"should haves and could haves"

I am afraid that both have crept in to stay for awhile, to make home in my mind.
Creating thought upon thought to circle around and around.
Thoughts and questions to which there is no answer
That is what I hate the most.....
 I know rationally that wasting time and energy on things that I cannot go back and do over is pointless, yet those doubt and guilt filled thoughts creep in.....
leaving you wondering what if I had........

dead still in your tracks
not moving forward and unable to go back.

“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.”  ~Nancy Lopez quotes

But to do that one must trust the voice within....
one must overcome the doubt
the guilt
and find the voice that will guide us forward.
and that is a daunting task.

1 comment:

Kim said...

I believe I had my falling slowly moment during State Fair time and you were the lucky one to witness that. Hang in there we all go through it and you can do it!!!! You are a ROCK STAR mom, teacher,sister,daughter,wife and wonderful at your job. Everyone that has you on their visit list is VERY lucky!!!! Love ya