If I could keep you little

Work took me to Lincoln.

Lincoln brings me Target.

Target brought me to tears.

Some people refer to it as coincidence but me, not me.

I am a believer that there is no such thing as a coincidence.

I have tried to capture my thoughts about Cohen turning six but as soon as my fingers go to type the words they seem to evaporate. It's like there are no words poetic enough, no words can capture the feelings I want to convey, like they are lost in translation.

thus Target.

Where a book catches my eye

and right there in Target I have a little moment.

"If I could keep you little" by Marianne Richmond

If I could keep you little, I'd hum you lullabies.

But then I'd miss you singing your big concert's surprise.

If I could keep you little, I'd hold your hand everywhere.

But then I'd miss you knowing, "I can go...you can stay there."

If I could keep you little, I'd kiss your cuts and scrapes

But then I'd miss you learning from your own mistakes.

If I could keep you little I'd strap you in right tight

But then I'd miss you swinging from your treetop height.

If I could keep you little, I'd decide on matching clothes.

But then I'd miss you choosing dots on top and strips below.

If I could keep you little, I'd cut your bread into shapes.

But then I'd miss you finding, "hey! I like ketchup with my grapes!"

If I could keep you little, I'd push you anywhere.

But then I'd miss you feeling your own speed from here to there.

If I could keep you little, I'd pick for you a friend or two.

But then I'd miss you finding friends you like who like you too!

If I could keep you little, we'd finger paint our art.

But then I'd miss you creating stories from your heart.

If I could keep you little, I'd push your ducky float

But then I'd miss you feeling the wind behind summer's boat.

If I could keep you little, I'd keep you close to me

But then I'd miss you growing into who you're meant to be!

Who are you?

Tonight I ponder.

I ponder my choices.

How have they impacted the course of my life?

...my children's lives?

I ponder my ability.

Who I am.

Am I who I want to be?

Tonight we were out of sync

I know it is inevitable.

I know there are days where someone else gets all the smiles.

Someone else gets all the giggles while I come home and I get the tired frustration.

The ultimate melt down.

The tears.

Despite knowing its inevitable, it still saddens me ...

to my core.

which makes me ponder....who am I really? Who are you really when no one is watching?

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.  -Carl Jung

day 1

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday. ~Author Unknown

This evening marks day 1: week 1.

Run for 60 seconds

Walk for 90 seconds.

Alternating for 20 mins.

I said to myself and others...that seems easy enough!

Day 1:

{Against my better judgement, but optimistic that 60 secs every 90 secs wasn't too bad, I was pushing a stroller with a 30lbs. kid in it and trying to answer Cohen's 100 ?'s while gasping for my last breath!}

Yes, that was "easy enough"

in that lung burning, heart exploding, pain shooting,

feet moving so slow you swear you could walk faster than your jogging, kind of way!

Let's get it started

"Its very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit" George Sheehan




There has been some talk and some thoughts, some discussion, some consideration....

but not a lot of commitment.

It has been suggested that myself and some of my cohorts sign up to run the downtown run-around (2miles).

I have to admit the idea has appeal, but the carry through may be lacking on my part.

{I"m busy. I don't like to run. It's too cold outside. It's too hot outside. I'm tired.}

Let's start with this:

I've never been a runner.  

The 200m was more like a marathon for me, so I can't really say I've got a running past to fall back on!

I so dislike the lung burning feeling that goes with running {maybe that's because I'm out of shape-ay?!}

Last night it came to me.

I will run the 2 mile downtown runaround.

For my dad.

Sometimes a girl just needs a lil inspiration to find the motivation.

Mr. runner extraordinaire!

Runners! Take your mark

I've never been so nervous to click publish before because once it's out there...there's no backing down!

flawed but fabulous!

I'm kind of stuck in a "funk" lately. I do not have a legitimate reason why.

With spring around the corner it is time to kick "funk" out to the curb and grab life by the horns again.

I mean come on,

life can be flawed but it can still be fabulous right?!

" Life is not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow." ~cherralea morgan

I was just thinking today about all the things I want to do and the things I want to be better at doing and the things I want to change and..and...and, AND my, the honest truth is...my life is far from perfect.
I am far from perfect
and yes I have things I need to change.
But even with all the bumps and bruises and craziness, I still love my life.

I love my flawed and fabulous life.
{*repeat after me*...I love my flawed and fabulous life! Say it enough and you will believe!}

 I am going to keep sliding down this rainbow

and every now and again someone may have to help get a splinter out of my ass, but hey that's what friends are for right! (come on~you know I would do it for you!)

So what are we waiting for let's go. I got my wax paper square

(remember when we used to get those out for the thrill of sliding faster!)

 and I am sliding down this damn rainbow and I demand it be a good time~splinters and all!

Charli is 4. Today is her CANCER-versary.

Today is a friend's child's 

 CANCER-versary

{click the link to read more}

Charli is now 4 and 1/2 years old and it has been 4 years to the date that she was diagnosed with cancer.

Then....

 

That's right.

Read it again.

Charli is 4 1/2 years old

and it was 4 years ago today

that she was diagnosed

with cancer.





There are some words that none of us would ever want to hear together in the same sentence and that would be your child and cancer.

Babies should not get cancer.
They should not....but they do.
They do and it leaves us fighting.


So in honor of Charli's cancer-versary
My goal is to sell 10 luminaries for the Platte Co
relay for life in Charli's honor!

Please help Charli and her family's fight against cancer.
Not just for Charli but for all of us.

You can click my webpage and purchase a luminary in Charli's honor or make a donation if you'd rather.

Please help me honor Charli's fight against cancer by purchasing a luminary in her name! She is a regular attend-er at the relay and now that she is so big {smile} she can read....what an honor for her to see her name over and over again as she walks the track as a cancer survivor!

You have to eat it!

Our day.

Cohen's and mine.

Once again our birthdays have come and gone.

Where did 6 years go?

It seems like every day he grows a little bit more.

Cohen originally had his camo on for his party but baseball sign up was the same weekend as the party and did you know you get your uniform at sign up?!  Did you also know that little boys cannot resist the temptation of a baseball uniform?!

This year we celebrated for 2 weekends.

One for the party {To ensure Grandpa his best bud could come, as he had surgery last Tuesday}

and one for a night out on the town.

At the last minute we called his "best friend" from school and ask him to go bowling with us.

What a hoot that was.....

and what a glimpse this provided into our near future!!  Yikes!

I have not heard so much chatter about burps, farts, boogers and poop my whole life!

It was 100% boy!

There was jumping, sliding

and laughing...lots of laughing!

and in true younger sibling fashion

Kadence had to be right in the mix of everything,

not to be left behind...just another glimpse at days to come!

{again yikes!}

and thanks to this her new phrase is poopy butthead which landed her in timeout today!

 I think all the events {and putting together Cohen's snack for school tomorrow} has worn me out so I have not the right words to honor him and his day. I am postponing his tribute......

but for now I leave you with this;  Please tell me........

How many of you remember putting your thumb on your forehead if someone burps and your thumb on your chin if someone farts and the last one to do it has to eat it?! 

Yeah it was that kind of weekend!

mom tank

"What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it." Author Unknown

This week has started out a bit emotional {dare I say crabby~Gasp!}

There is this wonderful love tank in life, It's in constant variation, full to empty and full again.

Today I had to leave work a little early to meet Cohen getting off the bus

(Dad {grandpa} had a full hip replacement today and thus was not our wonderful regular,

Cohen's buddy, bus greeter today)

The evening started a little shaky shall we say,

 which ended in tears and little heart to heart with my tender and loving little Cohen and his mom.

The great thing about life is that it can turn on ya at anytime and the evening ended so perfectly.

{Lil dance off with Just Dance kids on the wii}  Sorry Curtains are closed for that one!

While the kids were in the bath we played "tell everyone 2 things you love about them."

Cohen said "I'll go first"  "I love when we get to play outside mom and Mom I love that you came home and we got all evening and I love to snuggle."

I said what about Kadence, what do you love about her "I love that we play together and she thinks I'm so big."

When I asked Kadence she said

"da da do da"

then she stuck her tongue out.

I like to translate that to "gee you are the best mom and brother ever! I am so lucky"

I said Kadence can you tell Cohen

"I love you Cohen" and she said

"poo poo butt"

Which I am sure means "I love you Cohen" right?!"

It did lead to a bathroom full of laughter as Cohen thought it was the funniest thing he had ever heard,

so maybe she knew exactly what he needed to fill his love tank again.

{I'm gonna have my hands full with that girl...}

but for tonight

They filled my mom tank.

Mom tank is full again.

Thanks Kids!

shakin hands with the clock

I've been pondering how "Busy" I am and how I am always in a "hurry." 

It's like the message is being sent strong and clear this week.

Yesterday the song {currently playing}pops on the radio...I'm in a hurry and don't know why...so true.

So true.

I'm in a hurry even when there is no hurry. Chop chop

Then this afternoon I speak to friend about a message at a funeral about slowing down and being present with our kids. Stop the rush.

Then on the way home tonight somehow I land on a Christan talk radio and the topic. "Slowing down and being present in what you are doing."

Okay I got the message God.....loud and clear.

Goal for the weekend:

SLOW DOWN. 

We'll see how it goes! It's kinda a busy weekend ; )

Now I would type more but I need to hurry up and wash the dishes and pick up a little before bedtime! 

Busy day tomorrow......(this may be a process! BUT I got the message!)

Is there a hurry-er annonymous?!