lullaby

Someone commented "you're a super mom" and I thought to myself...."whatever."

You see I tend to want to write about the good stuff.

I tend to want to capture the "fluff."

I need to capture the fluff..not for you but for me.
I have to force myself to stop.
Be present.
Recall
and store that fluff in my memory bank.

*Although I have captured some very non-fluff moments too

I tend to want to remember the happy times.

The good stuff.

The fluff.

Today was a long day (one of many) and today is not a day I tend to want to capture in my memory bank. Today I saw Cohen for probably 30 minutes (I may be on the optimistic side) and Kadence for an hour or so (which was primarily in the car)

By the time I got home Cohen was sleeping

and Kadence was wandering out of her bed
and by the look on Mark's face it was for the umpteenth time I am sure.

I put my things down on the floor right next to the front door, picked her up, walked her to bed,

and we rocked on the edge of her bed for 20 minutes

until she closed the big blue eyes to dream another night away.

I didn't sit there and rock her because she needed me to.

I sat there and rocked her because I needed to.

In those few intimate moments without any words exchanged

a conversation transpired:

she said I needed you

and I said I'm sorry I wasn't there.

I'm sorry you didn't have a mom today.

I'm sorry mom put so much before you today.

She nestled in with her blanket saying

It's alright. You're here now.

and I know.

I know you love me.

When I think about it.

Really think about it.

We could all learn a great deal about unconditional love from our babies, couldn't we?!