Tuesday, December 27, 2011

just can't let it show

Sometimes events happen which make us force us to reconsider reality.
Today a debate has been occurring in my head...who am I really?
Am I a pessimistic or optimistic person? 
Is it possible to be both?
Am I faking it?

I would have initially said optimistic, why, of course!
I would have cast judgement upon the pessimistic side of me.
I would have tried to mask that I have a sarcastic pessimistic side.

I never understood pessimism.
On the surface it seems so gloomy
so lack luster...
so hopeless
and I love hope and I love to dream.

I am not sure I ever took the time to fully understand pessimism

pes·si·mism  (ps-mzm)
1. A tendency to stress the negative or unfavorable or to take the gloomiest possible view.
Maybe we all need a little pessimism.
Could it be possible?
Maybe its not as doom and gloom as it is made out to be.
Maybe that pessimistic side is necessary to set up the defenses.
Sometimes the thing or things we hope and dream about come crashing down.
Sometimes things just do not go like they "should" whether you are optimistic or pessimistic.
I have just realized that I use my pessimistic side keeps me safe sometimes. That sometimes some "dreams" are so big that if they drift out of our reach the pain is too much.
When I anticipate the "bad" may happen and it does, is the blow just a little less than if I had let myself fully dream the dream? 
Sometimes when my dreamer side takes over there is a little "p" voice that says whoa back down.
 If you fall now it's really going to hurt.
I fully see the value in dreaming the big dream and without hope and dreaming this would be a pretty dull and boring life....but until today I never gave credit to that pessimistic side.
I never realized the value of the protective factor within my pessimistic side.
Sometimes life does not go as planned.
Sometimes life socks you in the stomach stealing your ability to breath. 

Sometimes I need my pessimistic side more than I need optimism.

Today me and pessimism stand together. 
.......give me this moment.

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