Self awarded gold star

Today was one of those defining days.

One of those days that you know you will either pass with gold star quality or fail miserably.

The kind where you know there is no middle. It will be good or bad~black or white.

Today was picture day!

I have lined up a million excuses as to why had I not scheduled the kids' pictures as of yet.

I had gotten in the groove of taking them in Feb which is smack in between both of their birthdays, but not this year.

This year I had "reasons" 

(legit or not is debatable!)

So yesterday at 5:10pm I called Portrait Innovations in Lincoln and said "hey got any openings tomorrow?" "11:40? Sure we're in" 

Completely done in spontaneous and just do it fashion!

Implant this story

{The last time I tried them was when Kadence was a baby and it took forever and I was not impressed}

The morning comes and we wake with ease and I remain cool and collected, self talking because picture day equals stressful day, getting kids ready and packing their clothes since they are summer clothes and the weather is playing nasty tricks and the current temperature was somewhere in the 40's. 

I tell myself..."I got this." The kids and I pack a bag.

1. clothes. 2. ipod 3. crayons/paper 4. Tag books 5. snacks.

We cruise in the door at 11:30 for our 11:40 appointment.

The lady casually announces that they are running slightly behind and I smile and joke and say that will work perfectly as the kids need to change and Cohen wanted a picture with his baseball things which we neglected to grab from the tahoe. 

We trek back to the tahoe get the baseball bag.

Trek back to the studio.

Mentally making note that there sure seems to be a lot of people sitting around

and is that the same baby that was crying when we were in here a few minutes ago?!

The kids change clothes. I continue to think "I got this."

We sneak a place to sit near the lego table quietly thinking {score!} and is that still the same baby crying?!

Somewhere in the midst of this time is where the defining moments creep in

before you have time realize they've come!

Wait, we did.

I smiled.

Cohen played Ipod.

Kadence watched a baby nurse.

(I am sure the mother of the newborn appreciated prying eyes watching every move!).

Kadence played ipod.

Cohen played ixl.

Cohen plays legos.

Kadence crawls under the lego table and rolls around.

I smile.

{I say Kadence honey can you get up please and play legos at the table with Cohen? Because what  I want to say is...Kadence get your ass off the floor, everyone can see your half ripped Dora panties (my God did I not notice the rip in the Dora panties?! Seriously). You're going to wrinkle your dress which Grandma ironed and rubbing your head on the floor is 1. nasty and 2. Gonna screw your hair!)

See that's a defining moment.

Cohen gets out crayons.

Kadence watches someone else get their pictures taken. 

I play a game with myself....

for every kid that cries I get $20 bucks,

double my money for each time the parent says

"STOP IT, NOW!"

{Which in the history of mankind has NEVER worked to stop a crying toddler}

I was up to $3,460 when a lady with another newborn "politely" tells my 3 year old to move off the chair she is quietly and contently sitting on, so that she can nurse and still see the pictures her family is going to view on the near by computer. 

I smile. 

{I say sure. No problem. Kadence honey come here and sit by mommy. Because what I want to say is "HELL NO. Can you see her?  She's happy. She's quiet. She's sitting, not showing the room her ripped Dora panties, nor rubbing her head on the floor. Find your own damn chair. Dog eat dog woman. baby or no baby.} 

Somewhere in here I think I hear "Jennifer" through the crying. {man there is a lot of crying at a photo studio!}

Round 1 of pictures goes great

(in that I just made an ass of myself kind of way because the lady who is paid to make kids smile is standing off to the side saying "Look I have frog." I mean really?! Getting kids to smile takes more of a work out. I take my spot directly next to or behind the photographer popping out with a peek a boo, fake sneeze with fake boogers...whatever it takes!)

The wait continues as we wait for Round 2 to finish the picture taking.

 I notice how many parents are currently either yelling or sternly  warning their kids that there will be NO Treats if they Do NOT SHAPE UP, Knock it off, Stop it!.

I listen to them

{knowing I've been there and will do it again}

but today I sit there wishing I could video tape it and play it back for them.

I want to pull the flustered mother with the wailing 18 month old over to the side and whisper you know yelling at him probably is not going to make this get better anytime soon right?.

If you think this sucks, imagine what he's thinking?!

But instead

 I smile.

I decide my new goal is to remain in check.



RIght now he's thinking...OMG did my mom just do that fake sneeze booger thing really?!?!



Today I will not be the flustered, out of control mom with crying kids.

I refused to go there even when the tempation was HIGH!

we wait.

Kadence gets out crayons to color.

Cohen starts playing baseball with himself

{yes this is a bad decision

but I pretend like I am fine with it}

I offer a cheese stick to the crying 18 month olds mother, she smiles and says no thank you. ( I know that she wants to say: Bitch you can take your snacks and toys and shove those where the sun doesn't shine as you sit there thinking you are sooo much better than me with your freaking happy kids. BITE ME.)

I smile.

Cohen dissembles the metal hanger

and somehow shapes it into a fishing hook

and now Cohen is fishing for sharks (flip flops)

over the edge of the chair with Kadence.

I smile.

(In my head I think if we don't get out of here soon someone will lose an eye!)

At one point I was singing arms out. elbows in. feet apart. knees together.

to te ta to te ta to te ta ta...

Yup.

3.5 hours later.

Done.

No yelling. No crying. Complete gold star.

{whew! Was I just really that mom. The one that appears to have it pulled together. The one that keeps herself in check?! Did I really just do that?! No threats?! Was that really me?  Did I really just do that? nice.}

It is now 3pm and we have been sitting in there since 11:30!



Mom thinks she has it pulled together but just wait I have some great ideas for later!



We go across the sidewalk to grab lunch and Kadence has to go the bathroom.



No problem I say Smiling.

You were such a big girl today,

I say!

(thinking OMG Just sit down and eat I AM hungry. shessh)

She proceeds to not get her pants down far enough and

pees all down the back of her jeans and ripped Dora panties.

I smile.

I say uh oh.

(Inside I say WTF really?! What the hell am I suppose to do with this? We have no spare clothes. We just paid $20 for a glorified sandwich and you have piss down your pants. This is good. great really.)

We toss the ripped Dora panties in the trash (like we needed those anyways right!?)

Put the potty jeans back on, Tie her coat around her waste. Dump the over priced sandwiches in the trash. Head over to Old Navy.

Slap on new purple ladybug tinteewear

(that would be kadence pronunciation of I believe Pantie-wear)

and some new capri pants.

smile and forge on.

Run to Shopko for the promised hot wheel car for doing a great job! Ask 7 times does anyone need to go potty? Anyone? No? Are you sure? Okay!

Get in the tahoe. Buckle everyone in and get ready to pull out onto 27th and......

kadence declares

"I have to potty."

"Weally bad"

WEALLY?

Weally I say!? 

SMILE JEN!

Right?!

Come on define the moment?!

Next gas station coming right up! (Additional thoughts are censored at this point)

We get home and Cohen says Mom we should spend the day together every day wouldn't that be fun.

....and that makes it completely worth it.

Gold Star.

This time.

and we will NEVER set foot in Portrait innovations again for the record!