Boiling point.

The temperature outside sits at about 105 today, well all week really.

I should have known the under current was brewing~slowly coming to a boil.
It is 79 in our home despite the air conditioner being set at 74.
Beads of sweat line my hair line.
If someone came with a special thermometer made to measure attitude, I do believe the inside temperature was probably closer to 105.

If I had to make a measurement of my own, I would say tonight ranks among our top 3 worse evenings for parent child interactions! It started the moment I picked them up....whining~fussing~crabbing. I drove to daycare thinking it's pretty hot outside maybe we will stay in make supper and get the play dough out tonight and make something really cool together. {dreamy positive interactions were far from in my stars tonight}

I know not how to describe the crying tonight.
I have not the words to describe the intensity.
I can only jump into the story.
It went something like this....

Kadence dozed off on the way home. I woke her up and carried her in, crying. I sat down in the rocking chair with her, which exacerbated the crying, which results in her arching her back and melting off my lap to the floor.{you all know this move right, the don't hold me, don't put me down move} Once she was on the floor oh that only made her madder, which resulted in throaty screaming and kicking. As a mom you try to pick them back up which only continues the cycle.

Cohen starts whining about how hungry he is and that he will ONLY eat a grilled cheese. I make a grilled cheese balancing a crying Kadence, who is also holding a monkey, baby, blankie and cup, on one hip.
I provide Cohen the grilled cheese which results in of course crying that he wanted chips and salsa.

whew

deep breath. Big deep breath. chant to self: They are tired. They are tired. You are the adult. If you don't remain in control who will.

He told me he was running away to Texas and that I would be alone FOREVER!. I asked where he would sleep in Texas, that I would be sad to see him go, and I hoped he did not have to sleep in the ditch on the highway and he said he would stay up all day and all night. I said geez I hope you can find something to eat in Texas. He said "I WILL MAKE FRIENDS."                Deep breath.

From there things are a little fuzzy until our peaking 105 moment....

Cohen is still mad and says and I quote "I HATE YOU. I AM GOING TO FUCKING SHOOT YOU." 

I know!

You think you are shocked?  You think you are appalled that I even typed that on here?!

Hello my 5 year old just said that!

To my face.

I can't breath.

{Where in the world would he have heard this?!}

I can't speak.

I picked him up and said we do not use language like that in this house and we do not threaten people with shooting. You are going to bed right now. That was completely unacceptable.

This of course did not go over well....although it did elicit an "I'm sorry."

To which I replied. Thank you for apologizing. You needed to do that, but you are still in trouble.
Just picture lots of crying and screaming and kicking here!!!

I put him in bed and walked out. He gets out of bed..REPEAT!  and repeat. and repeat. and repeat......

One of those times I put him in bed and he requested to watch a movie.
I, of course, say no, to which I get this "I want to watch a "f"n" movie!!"

REALLY!?!

REALLY?!

Did I really just hear it again? 

DID I?!?!??!

This is when I am repeating this in my head "you are the adult. you are the adult. Respond DO NOT react. RESPOND DO NOT REACT."

Create a calm yet stern appearance while rage is boiling inside.
Swat on the ass and I AM NOT a spanker! Man I am not a spanker. {I was out of..ideas I guess. I had no idea how to stop this viscious cycle we were in.} No movie we do not use that word.

From there it went lots of ways..kicking, yelling {I hate you} or the I'm going to run away to Texas.

Most of that conversation took place toting a fussing 2 1/2 yr old who was still toting her own monkey, baby, blankie, and cup.

Beads of sweat.

Rage.

Control.

Doubt.

Fear.

Saddness.

7:35pm Cohen is asleep. No supper. No movie.
.
Home for one hour forty minutes.

I can't sleep.