Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Where am I?

It is in me to be the person I want to be.

I know its in there but sometimes it gets hidden, buried, tangled with other parts of me.

I want to be the person that embraces life.

I want to be the person that realizes bad things happen, but that we cannot let those define the next day.

I want to be the person that when my day comes to make the journey from this life, whether that is tomorrow or 70 years from now, there are no regrets, no wish I would have's or could have's.

I realize there will always be things you want to do, things to dream,
but the regrets
they come from a different place than dreams.
Do you get that?

I want to be the person that is always dreaming of new adventures,
yet is perfectly content with the here and now.
(Currently I've been a tired, not so content, slightly cranky version of me)

I had gotten in the habit a few years ago of making smaller, more seasonal bucket lists, but I let life take over and that fell by the way side. Tonight I dug for my car keys at the end of a visit. I checked each pocket twice and started to freak out that I locked them in the van.
They were in my hand the entire time.
I was holding my keys as I frantically dug to keys.

I am pretty sure it's  sign that I need to find my center again.

 I thought to myself on my way home tonight....
tonight you will make your spring bucket list.
It's fun to dream yes,
however it holds me accountable,
that seems like the wrong word but it holds me accountable to what really matters.
To the things that could be regrets some day.

My spring list is blank.

It's funny really because usually my lists do not involve grand, difficult to plan tasks, but more everyday pleasures and still the cursors sits and blinks at me...mocking me. Stupid cursor.

Last night I came home from work and literally had to ask myself this question to get myself back on task "Did you rush from work because you felt bad about the dishes on the counter or did you rush because you feel bad that you haven't seen your children today?
Then I ask of you why are you spending your time on the other?"  FOCUS

Maybe I just talked myself through a full circle to realize I am lacking FOCUS currently.

So until I reorganize the pieces I am,
back into proper order,
anyone want to take a stab at starting a spring list for me?

FOCUS PEOPLE! This is important!

No comments: