white flag

What if you can't give 100%?

That was the question posed in the last 5 secs of Grey's Anatomy.

Funny enough that's the question I've been posing to myself the last couple weeks.

I feel like nothing gets 100%.

Everything *family*kids*house*work*myself*  everything gets a little but nothing gets everything. Thus everything is missing something and nothing feels successful, and that leaves everything needing something. 

I feel like my life has been swallowed by one giant "to do" list.

I'm aware that most people have just as much on their plates, perhaps more, perhaps less, but busy all the same.

Then it just boils down to you, as an individual, managing day to day life.

Coping strategies.

I am currently putting mine into question (both managing techniques and coping strategies).

I am analyzing you.

You appear to have it "together"

You appear to manage.

Balance.

Juggle.

Smile.

I'm watching.

Wondering....

What can you teach  me about managing? Coping? Not just surviving but thriving?

Perhaps you can teach me?

.....or perhaps I can tell you.....

sometimes you have to wave the white flag.

Surrender.

Surrender to the fact that you can't give everything 100%.

What happens when you can't give 100%?

You go back to the "beginning."

You wave the white flag.

Surrender.

....and begin again.

“At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice.”

Maya Angelou

One foot in front of the other

*If I could figure out how to play

THIS song

in the background I would!

In a world full of people who couldn't care less, be someone who couldn't care more.  ~Author Unknown

Its been brewing. A bit like the weather tonight. 

The to do list continues to grow longer.

Time gets shorter.

Stress levels rise higher.

Inevitably as stress levels rise, everything on the to do list feels more and more like an emergency

and you hang on the best you can. 

I've been living it, watching it, all brewing, swirling, knowing it was creating the perfect storm.

Work is piling up.

Benson has decided that sleeping through the night is over rated

*even though he's done it since he was 2 months old

The demands of working full time and running a house hold with three children is, 

well lets be honest not always a cake walk. 

Schools back in session.

*Which means in about 2 hours 15 min we need to say hello, talk about our day, cook supper, eat supper, do homework , practice spelling words, take baths, read for at least 15 mins and do bedtime and frankly that's an exhausting pace.   AND to risk being totally honest a pace that apparently I haven't been managing well, which was evidenced by a homework paper, that I signed off on, that came back with a 68 on it! There's a parenting win for ya. If you need to pat yourself on the back and need a reason...there ya go!

Kadence has an ear infection that seems to have set up camp for awhile.

I single handedly lost my camera.

*Wish I could blame someone for that

and the list goes on and on....

You know the moment in your own life,

Right?

When you know its all coming to a head

As you're clinging on for dear life. 

yes that's the one.....

that's where I am.

I may or may not have promised this wouldn't make it on line..I can't remember..Its vague. ;)

After about a 3 day span of dissecting my life

my parenting skills and/or fails,

full of what ifs and maybes...

Under stress...

Doubt always has to  creep in.

Questioning decisions...

*a few friends may have blocked my number by now! ~smile

The afternoon was  filled with doubt

Questions

Stress

added to a

Mounting To do list....

Things were getting ugly.

I had told the kids we could go watch Elli's volleyball game tonight

(Cause when your feeling overwhelmed you should always add extra curricular activities to the schedule. Right? Seems legit.....eye roll at myself)

I held it together.

I was feeling like we would manage.

Kadence was finishing her homework on the drive to Columbus

Cohen and I were practicing his spelling words, while driving.

no moment goes wasted around here.

There isn't time. 

There was whining.

Groaning.
Complaining.

Empty promises of "I'll do it later I swear."

Second guessing  this "great idea"

I head into Arbys with three kids.

Cohen carrying his reading homework

Kadence carrying a marker 

(you never know when you may need a random marker lets be serious here)

Me Carrying a car seat,

Diaper bag, and purse both swung over the shoulder.

We got this.

self talk.

A nice looking standard farmer type couple maybe in their 60's were ordering ahead of us.

We discuss what everyone wants so we are ready when it's our turn.

we order.

Someone inevitably changes their  mind.

*SIGH heavily

The lady says "It will be $13. 57"

I go to hand her my check card

and I hear....

"I got it for her"

I turn to my right and standing there is the man who ordered before us...

he came back up and paid for our supper.

He said 

"I want to get this. Enjoy your evening."

and..

I cried.

Like instantly.

Like the building, piling, swirling, stress exploded...

and I was blubbering mess

 standing in Arbys with three kids and some mozzarella sticks.

I said back to him

thorough a haze of tears and sniffing

"it's been a bad day and you're like a life raft. I'm not sure thank you does this justice"

And before me stands this 60 year old farmer guy 

tearing up.
Not saying another word.

I'm a crying disaster. 

The Arbys order taking lady is now crying...

It was surreal

and

It was hope.

I have said time and time again.

I do not believe in coincidences.

Everything happens for a reason,

if you're willing to listen. 

On the drive over to Columbus

 in the middle of the whining and empty promises 

and spelling words and homework and practice phonogram sounds

 I was analyzing decisions made today and probably some impending decisions that will be coming and questioning myself and everything else (like I said we multitask around here..no moment wasted)

I have a tendency to over analyze.

Ugh.

And then this man.

This small random act of kindness...

No, this was no coincidence...

this was hope.

This was just what I needed,

Right when I needed it,

Hope.

Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier.  ~Author Unknown

and with hope comes the knowledge that...

it's going to be ok.

It's 

Going

To 

Be

Ok.

Maybe not easy. Maybe not the way I pictured it,
but ok.
I'll take it.

"How beautiful a day can be when kindness touches it!" ~george elliston