The chaos

Here's the deal.

Every day seems just as busy as the next, sometimes more. 

I so easily get caught up in the "well next week I'll have more time"....facade.

Most days we are barely keeping afloat. 

(no pun intended after the giant flood in the basement last week)

Chaos.

There's been plenty of that at work

and home (above mentioned flooding)

The Kids. 

Last week on the phone with a coworker I said....I feel like I'm always finding a soap box to stand on.

I need less boxes to stand on.

I'm tired.  

We talked.

I came to a resolution thanks to her wisdom and insight.

That's not who I am. 

I put passion into all the things that matter to me. 

It doesn't matter if its

Work.

Home,

My kids.

As she said "That's not who you are.

When you live with passion you can't help it."

When I came across this quote

"Sometimes it is not about balancing your life; its about balancing your mind despite the chaos." ~Burchard

It was the solid reminder I needed. 

It is just so true. 

Life is always going to be crazy. 

I am always going to wish I wasn't working and could give more attention to my kids.

I am always going to wish I could do more for the families I work with. 

I am always going to wish I could balance those two passions,

and I can't. 

I can't. 

I can, however, do a better job of choosing to balance my mind despite the chaos.

...not letting guilt creep in. 

Turn that passion toward

Being Present. 

Yes. 

I know that I need to be present. 

Being Present with whatever I am doing. 

Seems so simple

yet 

some days is so hard. 

It really is a choice,

I just have to make it. 

Ordinarily extraordinary

This song. 

It replays over and over in my mind tonight.

 Don't let anyone steal your dream. It's your dream, not theirs. ~Dan Zadra

There is so much hurt in the world today.


There is so much pressure.
There are so many opportunities, yes, there are those too.

Maybe the world has always been this way and I've been blind to it all.
Seems if one looks around, at home, school, work, government,
whatever is happening according to the "world" it is not good enough.
There is so much pressure to perform from a young age, that it scares me.
We tell each other that it is okay.
We tell each other that no matter what happens as long as you (or your kids) do their best that is what matters.

We say it,
but we don't believe it.

We know the "world" doesn't see it that way
and we feel the fear attached to not living up to this elusive undefined standard.

As Kadence's birthday comes and goes.

I want to celebrate not just her 8 wonderful years of life, 

but celebrate every little spunky fiber of her being.

 She demands attention.
I call her my "watch me" kid.
In her defense there are days that has probably been her only way to be
seen.
heard.
felt.
loved.
I hate that.

So many life lessons to teach,
and there is no guide book for the ones I value most.

How do you teach someone to keep dreaming?
How do help someone find their purpose? Their drive? Their passion?
How do you help someone become a dreamer and a do-er?
On the eve of her birthday
I have a lot of questions
and some idea of things I need to focus on for her.
in her.
with her.
As she grows, I grow.

I am trying really hard to trust the process.

For your birthday my dear I want to commit to this as your gift:

Make the Ordinary come alive
Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable
but it is a way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself. 

I have no idea where it came from.
I've had a picture of it on my phone for a couple years as a reminder.
Sometimes I need the reminder.
Sometimes I need to do better. 

As she blows out her candles tomorrow morning
she will be wishing for something wonderful I am sure....

but I will be wishing for a way ~ for her~ a girl in the world today

~full of messages of not good enough, pressures, standards, and hurt~

to bottle up those characteristics that define her today so she can rise above "the world"

and continue to believe inside that she is "good enough."

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings, 1955

I brought you into this world and will do my best to help you "fight" the good "fight" my dear.
It is a big task in front of us...finding the way in this world

Yes, there is a lot of hurt in the world today,
but I can't help believe with every fiber of my being
that it is still a wonderful place
and life is full of happiness,
sometimes you just have to be willing to see it first.

Yes I must teach her that.

I have some streamers to go hang now...
and birthday treats for school to pack up...
because tomorrow is an ordinary day,
and we plan to celebrate!

Happy birthday

The magic is in the mess

Just a reminder that we are not alone in the mess.

'Every year as I think about my own life and reflect upon what my family and what many of the people around me are going through this Christmas, it’s clear that struggle doesn’t take off for the holidays.

The gremlins don’t go on vacation. Checks bounce, chemotherapy appointments are scheduled, interventions are planned, relationships keep unravelling, being alone feels even lonelier, parents negotiate who will have the kids on Christmas morning, and the “never enoughs” are in full swing.

As I prepare to spend the next few days with my family and friends I come back to this: I will find my holiday magic in the mess. I will practice love and gratitude with the special group of folks who keep showing up and loving me, not despite my vulnerabilities, but because of them.' -Brene Brown

 I will find my holiday magic in the mess. I will practice love and gratitude with the special group of folks who keep showing up and loving me, not despite my vulnerabilities, but because of them.' 

That.

That has been my motto this holiday Christmas Season. 

Try to be present. 

Practice love and gratitude. 

Find those that see your vulnerabilities and show up anyways. 

Seems nice on paper.

Much harder in practice. 

There will never be enough time,

or enough money

but love. 

We got that covered. 

Christmas Magic.

I am the first person to raise my hand for some of that,

but its a funny thing Christmas Magic,

it can be hard to find

and even harder to see

unless you really believe.

It takes effort to find it.

See it.

Make it.

yes indeed I will find my holiday magic in the mess.

The pictures they capture the magic.

Not the mess. 

Work late, Last minute shopping, no groceries,

giant to-do list, hence the Styrofoam bar take out, mess that we call every day life around here.

We all have worries.

Stress.

Things to do.

Vulnerabilities. 

Those don't go away just because it is Christmas. 

I don't want my kids to ever think that Magic just happens,

because it never will.

Real life just  happens. 

Being able to stop and make magic.

that's the true gift here. 

 Before you ask, Yes that is his real hand. Yup.

....but as discussed with Cohen today, Magic has two sides. 

Sometimes people forget...

Of course there is that side we all know,

the "wow" side,

The "HOW?!" Side,

but did you know there is a 2nd side of magic?

There is!

The other side of magic is making it happen,

It's gets far less attention that is for sure but 

I promised...

that doesn't make it any less magical. 

Welcome to the other side of magic.

We are going to have so much fun!

Merry Christmas!